Cast of Characters
Rachel Bilson as "Bella
Alex Pettyfer as "Edward"
Hayden Christensen as "Jacob"
Fairuza Balk as "Victoria" aka the bat shit crazy vampire
Lost Boys Poster/Cast as "Newborn Blood Hungry Vampires"
"Eclipse" - The Summary
Oh Edward, I love you! You are so gorgeous and sparkly and I love you. Do you love me? Do you? Do you love me? Really love me? Can we have sex? Why won't you make me a vampire? Do you love me? I love you! You are so, so good looking!
Hmmm.. what? I'm sorry, I was too busy sniffing you to hear anything you said. I've been waiting hundreds and hundreds of years for a girl who smells like you. Mmmm.. just one more whiff!
Woof! Ha! I barked because I'm a WEREWOLF! Ha ha! Get it? And I love you Bella. Even though you stomp all over me and tease me and throw me back and tease me, I love you. Woof, Woof! Hey, can you hand me a biscuit or something, I'm feeling kind of peckish.
Remember me? The bat shit crazy vampire who has been stalking you for two books? You killed my honey bunny. HEY! Stop mooning all over each other and pay attention to ME!
Did you hear something?
What? Oh, sorry. I was too busy gazing at your fine chiseled face and marble-like body. Do you love me? Can we have sex? Are you going to make me a vampire?
Woof! Sorry, I don't have anything else to add to the plot here, I just wanted to remind you all I'm still here and looking mighty FINE!
BEHOLD! I have the mighty vampire posse of newborn uncontrollable vampires! I will have my revenge by killing Bella! You will feel my WRATH!
Blooooood... blooooood.... MUST HAVE BLOOD!!!!!
EEEW!! Vampires are so gross. Edward, when are you going to make me a vampire? And when can we have sex?
Seriously guys, why am I the crazy one? I just don't understand why you even like this girl. I mean - dammit.. there's no need to cut off my HEAD!
Are you okay Bella? You can put down the rock that you didn't use to help me, it's all over. Let's get married so I can smell you for all of eternity.
Oh Edward, you are my life and reason for breathing. You are the sun and moon and everything in between. If you were to walk out of my range of sight, why I'd just fall apart. I love you! Do you love me?
Wow, so glad everything worked out! All the vampires are dead and Bella and Edward are engaged, and wait a minute. NOTHING worked out! Sigh. I guess I'll continue to mope around and pine after Bella for the next thousand years or so. I've got nothing better to do.
Note: I owe the idea of this dramatic rendition of "Eclipse" to the insanely funny blog site (http://thedairiburger.wordpress.com/).
5 comments:
guess what?? ok i will tell you, it is being made into a movie. we are so going to go see it katharine, and you are going to LOVE it.....
http://www.twilightthemovie.com/
Oh great! Sounds like a sister's night out! Just another piece of shit movie, right up there with such classics as The Chronicles of Shit: The Lion, the Shit, and the Wardrobe. Oh...and let's not forget that Lemony Snicket (or whatever the F his name was) movie made after a book about that guy with nine lives who wants those kids dead so he can have their money...starring the same dufus kids as that last movie I mentioned. Go sister's night out! It's crap like this that makes me happy that I don't read.
Jeff, don't hold back that way! Stop pulling your punches, and tell us what you really think.
But just perhaps, you might be a bit unfair. Not every movie can aspire to the greatness of Alien vs Predator 2. (I sure wish I could have seen the first one.) At least in principle, it would seem possible that some movies would be good, and others less than good - without causing someone to give up on movies altogether.
It is perhaps not out of the realm of possibility that the same principle holds for books. Of course, if you don't like reading per se, that's another thing altogether.
But just because Eclipse is beyond redemption, that doesn't mean you should give up on class acts like Pride and ... (modesty prevents me).
Thank you for suffering through this book for us all, I appreciate the summary! Sounds like it was quite the effort to strech that over 600+ pages! And just so you know, the guy playing Edward in the movie is the same kid who played Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter movies. I can't remember who plays Bella because I had never heard of her before. Nor can I remember who plays all those other parts, so I will buy your casting!
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