Haircut!

I'll have some more pictures from The Continental where my father took Jeff and I for my birthday - the big 34! This isn't the best picture of my new haircut, but I thought it would do for now! Annnnnnd - two more hours till my birthday!

Fear of Troll Like Creatures

Our basement does not connect through our house. The only way in to the basement is to go around the back and through a tiny door that you need to bend over to fit through. This is where our laundry is and while it's only REALLY inconvenient in the winter, it's not that bad all around. Especially when you're used to doing laundry at a laundromat - much like Jeff and I did for the past few years! Anyway, in the basement, there is a "laundry chute", really a hole in the floor in the bathroom that leads to the washer. Supposedly so we can just toss laundry down as we need to. We don't do this because we have a cabinet over the "laundry chute" and instead carry the wash down like normal people. How do troll-like creatures fit in?



Well - "Cat's Eye" of course! The 1985 Stephen King adaption of a movie about a cat who belongs to a little girl and is trying to save her from a troll like creature that hides in the walls. The little troll is trying to kill the girl by sucking out her breath at night, and the cat is trying to stop him. The troll carries this wicked looking sword and it eventually kills the pet canary - something that the mother in the story blames on the cat - and it's just basically a cat and mouse game of this nasty little troll being chased by the awesome tabby cat.

How does this pertain to our basement? Well because there is a HOLE in the floor connecting the basement to our living area, the basement door MUST BE LOCKED when we're not using it. MUST BE. If it is not locked I tend to freak out and fret and obsess that SOMETHING might come through that hole and into our house. And that something will not be a good something - like a cute little baby rabbit or a puppy. No, that something will be a troll like creature and I will so not be a happy camper. I was trying to explain this phobia to Jeff - his rationalization is that NOTHING will get through that hole, and if something does, it won't be anything to be afraid of. My feeling is he's never seen "Cat's Eye" and what if there ARE evil little trolls wandering around? Lily's getting kind of old now, I can't count on her to play defense, especially since she's locked in her own room. So Jeff thinks I'm insane, and the only person who really understands is my sister who when I explained my fear immediately said "Oh, like Cat's Eye". YES! Exactly! Thank you Karen!

Anyone else have a completely irrational fear or phobia based on a completely made up creature? I can't be the only one, right?

Newest Internet Find

Well it's been a long day and Jeff and I are sitting on the sofa and working on our respective laptops. I was actually re-reading some short stories I've written over the past year and seeing how my writing syle has evolved when I decided to just kind of browse Vegas weddings. See, when Jeff and I make it to our ten year wedding anniversary I have every intenion of dragging him off to Vegas and getting married again. Vow renewal I guess. And I want to be remarried by this guy:

That's right people - DRACULA can marry you! And nothing says "commitment" like having a vampire pronounce you man and wife! Here's the description of what your wedding will be like:

"Clutch your sweetheart tightly in our Cemetery as Count Dracula performs your wedding!
Your love is eternal...so celebrate with immortal Count Dracula as your minister. Spirits gather in the fog to witness the vows that will haunt you through all time. You descend into the tomb as the Prince of Transylvania transforms your souls like a bolt of lightning in the Carpathian Mountians. "

Note: typos are not mine, this is a direct cut and paste job from a site that specializes in theme weddings in Vegas. Apparently there is no spellcheck in the tombs of the Carpathian Mountains.

And then I got REALLY into Vegas Weddings and came across this doozy of a picture.

I particularly like the look of horror on the groom's face. Like he sobered up shortly after saying "I Do" and was only just at that moment grasping the choices he had made that day.

Job as a Recruiter

Some of you know that I work part-time as a Recruiter for an elder care agency. What we do is place people in a senior's home as a caregiver or CNA/HHA. The basic premise being that the caregiver is there to assist the senior in maintaining there independence at home for as long as possible. Now anyone who works with the elderly knows that you won't make your fortune at this job, but the hours can be extremely flexible and when you get a client you really bond with, it's just a fun job all around. Now, if I am calling you, I am doing so because YOU called me. Or sent in an inquiry via the internet. I do NOT cold call looking for people to come work for us. Mainly because everyday I work I have a minimum of 30 resumes/applications to sift through, we get a lot of candidates from all walks of life. BUT there are times that I am just completely stunned by the way potential candidates talk to me over the phone. So here's a little cheat sheet for people to follow:

• 1. Remember where you applied. That way when I call you you will have some small idea WHY I am calling and I don't need to explain what my agency does, what the advertisement stated, and what we are looking for.
• 2. Don't laugh at me when I state the rate of pay. I always give out our rate of pay right off the bat. I don't want to waste anyone's time, or my own, so I am going to be very upfront about what we are willing to pay you. And I don't care if you have 10 years experience, the rate of pay is exactly that. The rate of pay.
• 3. If I tell you that I need you to be certified for the position you are inquiring about, its not because I don't like you. Legally we cannot hire someone as a Certified Nursing Assistant if they are NOT certified. See how it was worked into the title? Certified? That's key people!
• 4. If you child/family member/friend is screaming and crying in the background, you might want to call me back. Not just talk louder.
• 5. Do NOT under any circumstances be mean and/or rude to me. Seriously, why would I bring you in for an interview if you just yelled at me about your qualifications?
• 6. We do background checks on all potential candidates. This includes reference checks and CORI checks. If you are at all unsure about if you will get a good reference from a person you listed, don't put that person down as a reference. When I call to check, and oh yes I WILL call, and they tell me that you never showed up for your shifts or they don't KNOW YOU AT ALL. You will not be hired.

Really people, none of this is rocket science! Oh, and if its a full moon out, just turn around and go home. Its not worth your time trying to talk to people over the phone!

Can't you just tell its been one of those days for me? ;-)

Horrible Sense of Humor

I think I have the sense of humor of a twelve year old. I can crack myself up like no ones' business - and I am particularly good at something I like to call "the church giggles". That's laughing during a time when its completely inappropriate to laugh and you just can't help yourself. You know, like during a staff meeting at work, or perhaps during a recital at Symphony Hall where your sister is performing. Anyway, sometimes Jeff is the target of my humor and I am particularly fond of bothering him while he's at work by using the amazing creation of gmail chat. I'm paraphrasing a conversation we had recently, and I was attempting to flirt with Jeff via chat, and apparently failing miserably at it.

Jeff: I'm going to put the turkey in the oven in a few minutes.
Katharine: Is the turkey hot?
Katharine: super hot?
Katharine: hot like you are?
Jeff: no
Jeff: it's cold
Katharine: maybe you could warm it up a little bit
Katharine: HOT TURKEY
Jeff: it's cold
Jeff: very cold, frozen
Jeff: I'll be making a salad too for later
Katharine: Is the salad good or BAD?
Katharine: BAD SALAD
Jeff: dear god
Katharine: Is the salad naughty?
Jeff: I'm not talking to you when you're like this
Katharine: Is the salad fresh? Does it need a time out?
Katharine: NAUGHTY SALAD!!!!

The conversation goes on from there and just really gets worse and worse with Jeff ignoring me as I continue to get more and more ridiculous. At one point I was laughing so hard I had to put my head down on my desk. Hey, don't they say you should try and keep your marriage fresh and fun? That's what I'm trying to do! Jeff says it's just annoying. What do you think?

Tiny Little House

Our little 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house is about 950 square feet. It's pretty small - kind of like a condo alternative. It's perfect for us right now, and even though I get MASSIVE house envy when I see homes like my friends' Helen and Lisa's respective mansions, I still love our house. And I'm trying to find ways to make it more functional in terms of storage space, energy efficient (our house actually has NEWSPAPER in the walls as insulation), and of course, better. However, our house is small, but not the smallest house out there. There are all sorts of websites for tiny houses, and here's one of them:

http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/

It's a site dedicated to building your own tiny house, and then I came across this picture:

How cute! And I really wish I could see the inside - I want to know the layout and how they keep everything from being cluttered! I've also been watching a HGTV show called "Small Spaces, Big Design" and there are some really clever people out there! So for my next project I was thinking we should install sliders on the second bedroom. That way we could have sliders separating the living room and back bedroom, and if we chose, we could open the sliders and make that one room really big - you know, in case we ever want to entertain. But we could also close the room and keep the second bedroom! What do you think?

List

Jeff and I play this game called "Our List" and that's a list of famous people on whom we would, maybe, be allowed to have an indecent affair if we happened to meet. Okay, it's not really a game, but more something I like to tease Jeff with when the mood strikes me. I don't remember every actress on his list, but I'm fairly sure Jennifer Love Hewitt is right on up there! So, on to my own personal list of men I'm allowed to jump if I happen to come across!

1. Kane - yeah I know, he's scary and all but you have to understand just how truly awesome he is. He's KANE! Just ignore the freaky looking contact lense he apparently has in!

2. Cillian Murphy. YUM! He has these amazing blue eyes and he's this freakin' fabulous actor and I would totally not kick him out of bed for eating crackers.

3. Izzy Stradlin from Guns n Roses. Ask my father, I have loved Izzy since I was 15 years old and for that reason alone I HAVE to keep on the list. He's just so amazing!

And now I'm going to be compeltely sappy and say that as much as I tease Jeff about my "list" I think its safe to say that there's not a chance in hell that I'd ever do anything with any of these men on my list. I was going to add more but I really couldn't come up with any others - and yes one reason is that of course the FANTASY is better than the reality. And it took me SO LONG to finally meet Jeff and get married that there isn't a when pigs fly chance I'd jeopardize our relationship. See, I'm a secret softie at heart! Who knew?

Book Review for "Eclipse"

Well I finally "read", and I use that word extremely loosely - Eclipse. In a nutshell here's the story. I'm going to break it down for you here:

Cast of Characters

Rachel Bilson as "Bella

Alex Pettyfer as "Edward"

















Hayden Christensen as "Jacob"













Fairuza Balk as "Victoria" aka the bat shit crazy vampire











Lost Boys Poster/Cast as "Newborn Blood Hungry Vampires"

"Eclipse" - The Summary

Oh Edward, I love you! You are so gorgeous and sparkly and I love you. Do you love me? Do you? Do you love me? Really love me? Can we have sex? Why won't you make me a vampire? Do you love me? I love you! You are so, so good looking!













Hmmm.. what? I'm sorry, I was too busy sniffing you to hear anything you said. I've been waiting hundreds and hundreds of years for a girl who smells like you. Mmmm.. just one more whiff!













Woof! Ha! I barked because I'm a WEREWOLF! Ha ha! Get it? And I love you Bella. Even though you stomp all over me and tease me and throw me back and tease me, I love you. Woof, Woof! Hey, can you hand me a biscuit or something, I'm feeling kind of peckish.









Remember me? The bat shit crazy vampire who has been stalking you for two books? You killed my honey bunny. HEY! Stop mooning all over each other and pay attention to ME!













Did you hear something?













What? Oh, sorry. I was too busy gazing at your fine chiseled face and marble-like body. Do you love me? Can we have sex? Are you going to make me a vampire?













Woof! Sorry, I don't have anything else to add to the plot here, I just wanted to remind you all I'm still here and looking mighty FINE!








BEHOLD! I have the mighty vampire posse of newborn uncontrollable vampires! I will have my revenge by killing Bella! You will feel my WRATH!









Blooooood... blooooood.... MUST HAVE BLOOD!!!!!













EEEW!! Vampires are so gross. Edward, when are you going to make me a vampire? And when can we have sex?








Seriously guys, why am I the crazy one? I just don't understand why you even like this girl. I mean - dammit.. there's no need to cut off my HEAD!













Are you okay Bella? You can put down the rock that you didn't use to help me, it's all over. Let's get married so I can smell you for all of eternity.














Oh Edward, you are my life and reason for breathing. You are the sun and moon and everything in between. If you were to walk out of my range of sight, why I'd just fall apart. I love you! Do you love me?













Wow, so glad everything worked out! All the vampires are dead and Bella and Edward are engaged, and wait a minute. NOTHING worked out! Sigh. I guess I'll continue to mope around and pine after Bella for the next thousand years or so. I've got nothing better to do.



Note: I owe the idea of this dramatic rendition of "Eclipse" to the insanely funny blog site (http://thedairiburger.wordpress.com/).

Sleeping Attire

I do not have cute sleeping attire. I tend to sleep in huge, oversized pajama bottoms, old concert tees, or shapeless nightgowns purchased at Target. I've always been this way, never really buying cute sleeping attire because, well, I was SLEEPING in them. So who cared? It's never really bothered me, but I've been watching "Ghost Whisperer" on Tivo and I can't help and notice that the Jennifer Love Hewitt character never sleeps in Ozzy Osbourne tee shirts. She always looks like this:

See? She's reading in bed and she's wearing slinky black nightgown. This is so not me. If Jeff comes to bed and I'm reading, I'm usually wearing my enormous blue pajama bottoms and some kind of faded tank top. I do not look cute by any stretch of the imagination. Top it off with the fact that my hair has not been cut yet and I tend to pull it all into an elastic on top of my head. Let's just say that it's not a look that lends itself to romance. So my dear blog readers, should I invest in some sleeping attire? If so, where? I've looked for cute and comfortable pajamas and night shirts and the such and have come up empty. Don't point me to Victoria's Secret though, last time I went in there I was older than most of the clientel by 20 YEARS! I swear there were 12 year old girls poking through the bins of thongs, which is just so wrong I won't even rant about it. So where? I did get a kind of cute pair of pj's at Macy's lately, but I've got no other clue. If you won't help me, at least help Jeff! Doesn't he deserve a wife who isn't scary at bedtime??

Quick Update on "Eclipse"

It's day three and I haven't been able to bring myself to force open "Eclipse". I keep coming back to that first sentence that talks about "subterfuge" and it's starting to annoy me more and more. I mean, "subterfuge"? If I ever dropped a word like that into a conversation Jeff would tell me "Stop using your big college words on me"! I just wonder what teenage girl actually uses the word "subterfuge" at all. It was like the author had one of those word of a day calendar things and this one popped up.
Merriam Webster states that "subterfuge" means:
1 : deception by artifice or stratagem in order to conceal, escape, or evade
2 : a deceptive device or stratagem

I can think of a bunch of better words that would sound more natural coming from a 17 year old girl. Any of these really:
trick
ploy
ruse
scheme
scam
plan
ANYTHING would be better than "subterfuge". I am also disliking that Bella is apparently passively waiting for death, depending only on her "protector" to assist her. I can understand that if you're fighting a supernatural killer and you happen to be mortal, this will put a crimp on your defensive strategy, but wouldn't it be best to HAVE a defense strategy? Since there was a need for "subterfuge", Bella was not unaware of potential danger, so I would think that some sort of Plan B (maybe even from outerspace!) would be nice to have. I mean, hasn't she ever watched an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Gah. I just don't know people. If I can't get past this first section it's not looking good for me actually making my way through the actual book!

Conversation with a Client

One of my very nice clients was telling me about how his father had been married three times. And he passed along to his son these words of wisdom.

You marry the first time for love, the second time for looks, and the third time for companionship.

That's right folks, you read that correctly, Jeff married me solely because of my looks - I had no idea I was a trophy wife. Although, I do enjoy that idea quite a bit! But as Jeff says, he certainly didn't marry me for my money!

Book Three in the Twilight Series "Eclipse"

My friend Lisa just brought by "Eclipse", the third book in the Twilight series. She told me that this one focuses more on Jacob (hot, young werewolf and third wheel in the Bella & Edward obsessive "love" relationship). I am not hopeful for this book, mainly because this is how it starts:

"All of our attempts at subterfuge had been in vain. With ice in my heart, I watched him prepare to defend me. His intense concentration betrayed no hint of doubt, though he was outnumbered. I knew that we could expect no help - at this moment his family was fighting for their lives just as surely as he was for ours. Would I ever learn the outcome of the other fight? Find out who the winners and losers were? Would I live long enough for that? The odds of that didn't look so great. Black eyes, wild with their fierce craving for my death, watched for the moment when my protector's attention would be diverted. The moment when I would surely die. Somewhere, far, far, far away in the cold forest, a wolf howled".

Anyone else exhausted after reading that? I'm freakin' bored ALREADY! Since the book is 629 pages long, I am assuming that its going to take a long, long time to get to the fight. I am thinking there is going to be lots of sparkly vampire admiration, lots of Bella acting like a complete and total nitwit, and perhaps some more near death experiences where Bella and Edward can discuss the true depths of their love for each other. A love that is based solely on appearance on Bella's end, and smell on Edward's end. I am also going to assume that Bella continues to be a passive player in any fight/conflict that is going on. That she is going to wring her hands by the sidelines and sigh and be dramatic and not do a damn thing. I do have to say that I am intrigued by black eyes craving her death, mainly because her dying is something that blue eyes are craving as well!

Tattoo Idea

Jeff and I had friends over tonight for the Summer Slam pay per view and we were talking a little bit about tattoos. Specifically, name tattoos. For example, one of the wrestlers, The Undertaker to be exact, used to have his wife's name tattooed on his NECK. Lately we've noticed it looks like he's getting it lasered off, so we're assuming that he and the wife are not getting along. Of course we then start talking about my tattoo idea of having my wedding date and Jeff's name put on my body. Verdict? Bad idea. BUT, I'm still not sold on it being a bad idea. I mean seriously, when am I going to meet Kane? Or Tom Keiffer from Cinderella? The answer is, never. And even if I DID meet one of them, I'm not really going to do anything. I'm all talk and no action basically! What do you guys think? I still like the Jeff/wedding date/red rose idea, but I'm open to constructive criticism. My only other idea for a tattoo would be a mermaid tattoo. And not a normal mermaid, I want her slightly chubby, and with no body parts showing. Maybe something along the lines of this:

She's too cute, right? Oh, and just for giggles, check out this picture:

This creeps me out. I mean, what in the WORLD is this person thinking? Scares me to death.

Anyway, what do you all think? If the name idea is a bad one, and my friends seem to think that it would almost FORCE me to have a torrid affair with Kane, but I still love the symbolism behind it. Make sure you leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts!

Breakfast

I know what you are all thinking - Why Katharine, your breakfast is a complete and nutritious meal. Why don't you have a Milky Way for breakfast every morning? Well people, I don't know why I don't have a Milky Way for breakfast every morning. But today, oh let me tell you about today. I'm here at work, a place that I'll call *cough* ...ments.. *cough* and the proverbial shit has hit the fan. One therapist can't come in tonight and she's already booked with four clients! FOUR! I only have ONE person who could conceivably cover for her, so if this person can't come in, we're screwed. That means I have to call all these clients and reschedule them. People do NOT like to be rescheduled. Not at all. AND I apparently made an error when booking a client and she was PISSED that she didn't get the price I quoted. To be fair, it looks like a computer glitch, so I had to listen to a voicemail from her venting her displeasure. Ugh. AND.. here's the biggest whine of all - I still have surgical glue holding my neck closed, and the glue has turned this weird gray color. Basically it's like I have gray magic marker scrawled all over my neck like some sort of autopsy marking. It makes my scar look 100 times worse! I'm telling you, I don't know why I got out of bed today.

Need for a New Haircut

I need a haircut bad. Real bad. I kind of like the length of my hair - I always grow my hair out and then immediately hack it off, then start growing it again. It's a vicious cycle, but I don't really know how to break it. I'm thinking of bangs of some sort, and maybe really, really choppy layers. Oh, and I want blonde highlights again! That's a definite! I've got some various pictures of possible looks, tell me what you think!

Picture 1

Picture 2

Picture 3

Picture 4

Send me your opinions people, I desperately need something new than the mess on my head!

Short Story Part 2

So people, here's what I've got for part two of my short story. I've got a little written after this but I'm kind of a stuck point. Suggestions are welcome!

15 stories down in the parking garage, Thomas was making his last round for the evening. He’d toured all three levels of the empty space, lone cars staggered throughout the darkness, echoes off the cement walls as he walked. The building was now officially locked for the holiday weekend and Thomas didn’t expect to see another soul until Sam, his boss, came to relieve him the day after Christmas. Opening the glass door to the Parking Garage Office, he clicked on the security cameras, making sure each one was functioning properly before falling into his chair and sliding his feet onto the desk. Reaching over he turned on the tiny portable television, flipping through channels until he came to ESPN. Stretching in his chair he grabbed the still cold bottle of beer he’d opened earlier and easily drained its contents, pausing only to make some notations in the security log. He still didn’t understand just why an empty building needed security detail, but since he was going to be making overtime pay for the entire time he was here, he figured his wasn’t going to question it. Let’s face it, he didn’t really have anything better to do over the Christmas season. He had a duffle bag filled with spare clothes and underwear, a small bathroom and shower in the back of his office, and a beat-up old sofa that folded out into a bed. Along with plenty of beer and food, he figured that his stack of books and the tiny TV would help get him through the long days. Regardless, it was going to be another long and lonely holiday.

Back upstairs, Gwendolyn pressed the elevator button for the third time and waited. It was after 8pm and minutes earlier she’d finished her data project and was now anxious to get the hell out of work. Tapping her foot impatiently she pulled her long red curls into an elastic, deftly securing her hair under her knit hat. A long cashmere scarf wrapped around her neck, and she was buttoning her black wool jacket. Still no elevator. Gwendolyn started to push the button yet again when she realized that the building has been shut down and locked hours earlier. Bastard! She cursed under her breath. Mr. Edelman’s bullshit project had kept her too long past closing and now the elevators were shut off. She’d have to walk down the fifteen flights of stairs to get to her car and pray that she could still get out. Of course she was wearing her brand new Miu Miu’s, a reward she’d gotten herself for Christmas after months of drooling over the red suede heels in the window of Nordstrom’s. Stepping into the walkway, she started downstairs.

Thirty minutes later she was at her car and throwing her purse into the backseat. Falling into the front seat she slammed the door shut behind her. Turning her key into the ignition, she was greeting by the sound of grinding gears, and then dead silence. No, she thought. Please no. She turned the key again, nothing. Not a peep. “Dammit” she screamed as she pounded on her steering wheel. Throwing open her door she slid out of her seat. Turning she slammed her door three times as she screamed wordlessly. The faint noise of a shoe scraping across concrete caused her to jump and spin around, arms outstretched for protection.

Stepping out of the darkness was Thomas, the hunky new parking garage attendant that Gwendolyn and her co-worker, Diana, drooled over on a daily basis. Thomas had black hair that hung over his ice blue eyes, broad shoulders and a muscular physique that left Gwendolyn swooning each time their paths crossed. She sagged against her car in relief, her heart still thumping in alarm.

“Sorry Ma’am, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just thought you could use a hand”.

Thomas smiled slowly at Gwendolyn, and he neglected to mention that he had dropped his beer in his haste to get to her side. The beguiling redhead had been the unknowing star of many personal fantasies since the moment he’d laid eyes on her. With her sparkling green eyes and long curls, not to mention an hourglass figure that kept him up at night, Thomas had been smitten before he even learned her name. Over the past three months he’d made it his business to find out everything about her by casually grilling Gwendolyn’s talkative co-worker, Diana. He knew that Gwendolyn was 31, single, and lived alone with not even a cat to keep her company. He also knew that she had turned down the advances of the odious Mr. Edelman, her boss, and that she was on the short list to be let go because of it. While Thomas hadn’t seen the incident in question, he had heard the play by play of the event from Diana.

Day at Work

Five more hours. I can do this, right? Five more hours until I can close up shop and head home. Home, ah sweet home, a place where I will promptly do the following:
1. Whine to Jeff that I want ice cream, lots of ice cream, and since I had a tube shoved down my throat this past weekend I *deserve* ice cream.
2. Boot up my SIMS and see if I can handle raising a SIM teenager and family without killing one of them in a freak house fire like I did last time.
3. Change into my ugly but comfortable pajamas and slide onto my sofa where I will not move for hours - unless Monty shoves his large, wet nose into my face while wagging his tail excitedly. Did I just get comfy? Good! He'd like to go outside, NOW!
4. Fantasy shop for my upcoming birthday - expensive shoes, showy jewelry *cough* sapphire and diamond band in platinum *cough*, facial and/or pedicure
5. Work on my OWN book where I have two characters brought together and I have no idea what to do next! How do I get the sparks to fly and still make it believable/realistic?

visit to Dunkin Donuts

A summer of being in and out of the hospital means that I've put on some pounds. I've also not had my haircut in WAY too long. The long and short of it - I am not looking my best. So much so that when I was complaining to my father about this very issue, he MOOED at me. Yes, my father made a MOO noise at me. Nice, huh?

Went to Dunkin Donuts this morning feeling self conscious and blah. The 15 year old boy behind the counter said "You look like that actress on tv, the pretty one".

Now HOW NICE IS THAT? That kid absolutely made my day!

Book Review of "New Moon" by Stephanie Meyer

I write this review knowing that "Twilight", a Young Adult series, about a girl in love with a vampire has a huge, fanatical base of fans of all ages. I enjoyed the first book in the series, and actually thought the love story was kind of sweet - even if it was an obsessive, stalkerish love story. But I forgive, because it's a fantasy. So I went ahead and got the second book on Amazon's Marketplace for the bargain price of $1.99 not including shipping. Read it, and HATED it. I hated it in so many ways its almost hard to start. So let's get to it.

Now, Bella (the heroine and teenage human) is in a relationship with Edward (hero and teenage vampire). Edward became a vampire at the human age of 17, but is hundreds of years old - and he is apparently GORGEOUS and SPARKLES in daylight. Bella describes herself as plain and mousy, and is thrilled to be dating Edward. Fine, right? Now because Edward is a VAMPIRE Bella is freaking out that she's going to age and he is not. So even though she has this fantastically good looking and sparkly boyfriend who ADORES her and sleeps in her room and follows her around her every breathing minute of the day, she is not happy. She wants to be made into a vampire too, because at age 17 she is VERY concerned about how old and haggard she is going to get. So Edward throws Bella a birthday party and at some point during that party she gets a paper cut. Remember, Edward is a VAMPIRE and the blood causes him and his vampire family to have a complete and utter freak out. Edward decides he and his family should leave the state, effectively dumping Bella.

Bella becomes "catatonic" with grief, and this underlined by leaving pages blank in the book. (as my father pointed out, the author is using the word "catatonic" incorrectly, which annoys me on a whole other level, but I'm going to just go with the author description here to make it easier for all of us!)

The next chunk of the story talks about how Bella is "like a zombie" (and sadly, she is not moaning and talking about eating brains), her father is worried, her friends are worried, basically she's just going through the motions of living. For MONTHS. Now, I remember being 16 and having my own lovey dovey boyfriend, Darren. I ADORED that man, my world pretty much revolved around him. When he left for college and MOVED IN WITH ANOTHER GIRL, my world was rocked. I was heart broken. I cried and cried and cried and wrote bad teenage poetry, and I eventually moved on. Because guess what? I had friends who loved and supported me and I had a life. It was crushing, the whole loss of your first love, but life does go on. I got another boyfriend and another and some years later I'm happily married to a wonderful, non-sparkly in daylight, but still incredibly handsome, man. Not that my life is a perfect, shining example - because if there was a bad relationship decision to make, God only knows I made it. But come ON!

Okay, back to the story - Bella becomes friends with Jacob (a teenage werewolf) and he's gorgeous and tall and studly and sweet and adores her. But she, by her own admission, uses him because she feels so empty with Edward leaving. Even though the boy WORSHIPS her, she just can't be with him because her feelings for Edward cannot be denied. (Let me get this straight, your boyfriend dumps you and another boy who is also mind numbingly attractive is following you around like a love struck puppy and you don't go for it??WHAT?) And Edward talks to her in her head - which in no way can be construed as a mental illness, because when your ex talks to you in your head it's true love. Bella does a lame "I kind of want to die, let me jump off the cliff and dramatically tell Edward I love him with my dying thoughts" thing and of course Edward hears about this and thinks she IS dead and tries to kill himself. This means Bella races to the rescue to reassure him she is NOT dead, she meets some vampires who are evil and is repulsed by them, and Edward and Bella are back together. All is well, and Edward ends the story with proposing to Bella.

Excuse me while I go jab a pencil through my eyeball. What I hated most about this book is that even though Bella is selfish and conceited and obsessively in love with a boy who she really knows nothing about, everyone forgives her. She uses the people around her, causes them unpardonable pain, and learns NOTHING. Remember the evil vampires? She talks about how she doesn't understand why ANYONE would want to be a vampire, and then pages later is back to nagging Edward about turning her into one. My God. Oh, and even though she wants to sell her soul for her true love by becoming a member of the blood sucking brigade, she won't marry Edward. That's too much of a commitment and his proposing to her freaks her out. GAH! GAH! can I get another? GAH! There are also literary references to Romeo and Juliet and Wuthering Heights throughout the book, and how Bella feels that those two stories are tragically wonderful love stories. No Bella, they are NOT tragically wonderful love stories. Romeo and Juliet DIED (and frankly I always thought they were crushingly stupid), and Catherine and Heathcliffe were two irredeemably bad people whose obsessive love for each other destroyed those around them, as well as each other. These are two incredibly BAD examples of true love - and a hint to that would be neither ended well. I keep hearing that the storyline is a good one, but I just don't think I can bring myself to read the third. I do love fantasy romances, and vampires (really, who doesn't??), but this one? Ick. I give it a big thumbs down.

First Day Back at Work

Nothing shuts up a customer faster than a good look at a neck scar.

Evening

Jeff came home from a LONG day at work very tired and slightly grump. I mentioned that perhaps he could later massage my feet, his response was as follows:

"F*ck NO! I'm going to play Grand Theft Auto and watch Tivo, that's it tonight. Eff your feet"!

Hysterical! I almost wet my pants laughing, if you could have just seen his face as I tried to shove my piggies into his lap. He was SO not having it. Poor man - it's just not his night! Guess I'll get my foot massage another night!

Crazy Day At Home

And by crazy day at home I think I mean that I am going slightly stir crazy. You be the judge - I've been surfing the Nordstrom website and looking at all the fabulous clothes and shoes that I can't afford and I found this pair of boots:

They are by Corso Como and are just shy of $180.00. Jeff thinks they're ugly, but I kind of like them. Is this proof that staying home all day and playing SIMS and watching television is playing with my mind? I think it is, because I'm actually on episode 3 of a "Denise Richards: Its Complicated" Marathon and I am started to LIKE Denise Richards. Gah! I think it's time to boot up my SIMS again!

Animals

Jeff is going to come home tonight and find that the animals are dead. I will have killed them. And I will kill them while laughing hysterically.

ALL DAY LONG I have heard whining from Monty - whine, whine, whine, whine - goes to door, runs back at me, whine, whine, whine
If by some chance I happen to MOVE during the course of the day he comes barreling downstairs at top speed and slams into me. Surely I am getting up to either:
A. Get him a treat
B. Take him out
C. Get him a treat AND take him out
As of this minute he has been outside 3 times in the course of 6 hours. What is he doing right now? Whining at the door.

Lily, not to be outdone, has started crying in her room. If MONTY is getting attention, well by golly she wants some attention too.
Lily - MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW... pacing around her room - MEOW, MEOW, MEOW. Her stamina knows no limit, her lung capacity would put an Olympic Swimmer to shame. She can keep this up for HOURS. What she wants, is to be let out of her room. Not because she wants to come over and get attention, oh no. But because she might MAYBE want some attention. Really it's the closed door that gets her, she has a psychotic desire to be on the opposite side of every door. Door open? She wants to stay in. Door closed? She wants out.

So Jeff, when you get home you may find two dead animals and a wife who has finally cracked.

Mood

I've been amusing myself at home by scaring all the delivery people who come to my house. Let's face it, when the door opens at a house you don't normally see a girl with a BIG scar on her throat that's been highlighted by purple markings. Nope, just not something that comes your way everyday. Most of them politely look away when dropping off one of the very generous gifts that have been sent to me, and one guy actually took an involuntery step back. Not good for the ego I confess. Anyway I want to send a big THANK YOU to all the fabulous people that have sent me flowers, chocolate covered strawberries, adorable socks and other various goodies. You are all the BEST!!!

I have the best friends/family anyone could ever want! ;-)

Surgery Post Recap

Okay, feeling a wee bit better and I'm ready for a big ol' post about my surgery. I'm going to try and break it down so its not a novel - here it goes:

Friday: I arrive promptly at Boston Medical Center at 6am with Jeff and my father. 7am I am in the surgery waiting room in a bed in my incredibly flattering johnny and waiting for surgery. The nurses were incredibly nice and one even took my name and number when she found out I was a massage therapist. My surgeon, (I'm shortening his name to Dr. Mac) arrived and chatted with me for a little bit and then comes the BIG PROBLEM. Where, he asks, is my pre-op bloodwork? I have no idea what he's talking about and tell him so. Apparently I was supposed to have some bloodwork done and it wasn't. So here I am on a stretcher and ready to go for surgery and it now looks like it won't happen. What I do need to do though, is give blood. Quite a bit of it too, so they can run some tests. Now the problem with getting blood from me is that 1. I have horrible veins that make most phlebotomists run in fear, and 2. I hadn't eaten or had anything to drink since 9pm the night before. This means that my horrible veins are even MORE horrible and when I tell you that 6 different people tried to take my blood, I am not exaggerating. I was stuck multiple times in multiple ways by multiple people and I was soon in tears. I just cried and sniffled and could NOT seem to stop crying, so the poor surgery people actually called Jeff and my father and had them come down to see me. Finally the *incredibly* nice Anesthesiologist gets the blood they need and that's the last thing I remember.

Later in the day: I wake up in post surgery with an urgent need to pee and apparently try to get up and go. Note to self: post-operation nurses do NOT like it when patients try and get up right after surgery. They made me stay down and I think I whimpered about having to pee for an hour before they let me get up and go. That anesthesia is some serious stuff people, my head was all foggy and it took a CONSIDERABLE effort to fully wake up so I could walk to the bathroom. But I did it. Go me!

Side note: Because of all the delays, 2 hours delay for blood and 4 hours for surgery, Jeff had to make a mad dash to Wakefield to take out Monty. And apparently Boston at rush hour is no fun because it took him over an hour just to get home.

Dinner time: I'm wheeled upstairs to the 7th floor (and oh this is NOT Jeff's day at all since he has a morbid fear of elevators and won't get on them unless threatened with bodily harm. He climbed the 7 flights of stairs instead). My father had the exciting task of sitting with me as I zoned in and out of consciousness until Jeff huffed and puffed his way upstairs. I actually was up and walking around by this point, and able to go to the bathroom myself. My roommate, a sweet elderly woman who I will call "Nervous Nellie" was very impressed. Jeff and my father left sometime around 8pm and I eventually crawled back into bed.

How do I feel: Well, it hurt to swallow and talk due to a tube being down my throat during surgery, and my normally high pitched whine voice has been replaced by a husky Kathleen Turner growl. I also have a very impressive slash across my throat that looks like I ran into Jack the Ripper in the hallways, along with some purple marker. But honestly, the pain is not that bad. Compared to the head pain I'd had earlier in the summer, it's nothing. I asked for tylenol for the pain and found out that while there was an order for morphine for me, there was not an order for tylenol. Weird, huh? Morphine was kind of overkill, so I went without.

That Night: Nervous Nellie was up ALL NIGHT LONG with her television blaring and calling for the nurse. At one point I even walked to the nurses' station for her since they weren't responding fast enough. Thank God for Disovery Shark Week which was on, I was able to sleep while listening to the various points of cage diving with Great Whites Sharks. *Excellent prep work for my upcoming vacation!!*

Next Day: God this is long now so I'll wrap this up. I was at the hospital until 9pm that next night and really, really thinking they wouldn't be letting me go home - when they finally released me. SCORE! I practically danced out of the hospital and Jeff and I were soon driving for Wakefield. It felt SOOOO good to be home and sleeping in my own bed! Long and short of it, surgery sucked, but it went pretty well all things considered, and it's over with! One less thing to worry about in the future!

Most Embarassing Fashion Malfunction

Because I'm home from surgery and tired I didn't really feel up to writing about the actual surgery/hospital visit. I'll write about that tomorrow when I'm feeling a little more like myself. Instead I'm going to talk about my worst wardrobe malfunction. About 10 years ago I was in Florida with an ex-boyfriend attending the christening of a niece or nephew of ex-boyfriend (I no longer remember which, ex-boyfriends' siblings were fairly prolific so it really could be either). At the time I was wearing a long dress, ankle length, that was black with small red flowers on it and puff sleeves. Now this dress buttoned all the way from the top to the bottom so if the buttons were undone the entire thing would fall off of me. I know everyone here can already smell disaster. Well I was "helping out" that day and watching one of the numerous kids at the time and was walking around with a toddler on my hip. Toddler decides he wants to get down. Does toddler decide to slide down normally and go on his way? No. Toddler decides to RIP OPEN MY DRESS and scamper off. I was standing, in a church, where people had VIDEOCAMERAS, while my entire dress was open for my ex, his family, and various other people to see. I immediatley sank down behind a pew and frantically buttoned up my dress where I proceeded to spend the rest of the day in open denial. I did not acknowledge that everyone had seen my (thankully, matching and very nice) bra and panty set, and I have not spoken about it until this day.

Anyone else feel like sharing a horrible embarassing wardrobe malfunction?

Guest Update About Katharine's Surgery

In Katharine's July 21st post, she mentioned her upcoming surgery...we that surgery is over now and everything went well. She should be coming home today. I'll let her give you the gory details, but here's a picture to whet your apetite: