2009 Vacation Idea

Does anyone want to do this with me? Here's the site:

http://www.sharkdiver.com/package_guad-all.html

I am absolutely DYING to go cage diving with Great White Sharks - perhaps "dying" is the wrong adjective to use here? How about, I am incredibly excited about the prospect of cage diving with sharks. Anyone want to go with me? Jeff says there's no way in hell he's going, and he's already pouring over our life insurance policies to see if cage diving is one of the exclusions for him cashing in. But I really, really want to go! Anyone? Please!! Take a look at the pictures on the site? - they are just beyond amazing! I already emailed the company and asked about 2009 rates and apparently they are already booking for August of next year! If I book now, I won't have to pay the extra $200 for fuel. PLEASE!! Come on people - doesn't this look like it would be a once in a lifetime opportunity!

new find

I came across this site on the web:

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

I've spent the entire night flipping through every page and I must say, if the day ever comes that I have a baby shower, for the love of God do NOT get me this cake.

Recent Phone Call at Work

Working at a Massage Studio means I get some occasional "questionable" clients. Knock on wood, I've never had someone outright ask me for an "extra", though some tread a fine line. Anyway, just had the following conversation with a potential client:
Icky male client calls and asks about business, pricing, hours - all the normal stuff. And next is the question.

Icky Male Client: Let me ask you this, do you need to be draped?

Now, "draped" is a term we use meaning that the client is technically covered during their massage session. Clients are under a sheet and blanket and if I am say, working on their arm, I take the arm out from under the covers, massage it, and put it back under the blanket. While working on the client's arm, the rest of the client's body is "draped", meaning its completely covered. The client is NOT lying there completely nude for the whole world to see. "Draping" is one of the first things you learn in school, how to properly drape and tuck so that the client feels secure and not so that any minute they're going to be exposed.

Me: Yes, we always drape our clients.
Icky Male Client: I don't care for draping.
Me: We always drape our clients
Icky Male Client: Well what if I say I don't like it?
Me: We always drape our clients
Icky Male Client: Oh, well I won't be coming in.
Me: Have a nice day sir, thank you for calling

I don't think I get paid enough.

Bad/Cranky Moods

The worst part about being in a bad/cranky mood for absolutely no reason is that I can't seem to get OUT of it. These past few weeks I have been pretty miserable, not sure if its a combination of the raging out of control hormones that are racing through my system due to Graves' or maybe the fact that I can be a complete pain in the ass at times - but I've been pretty snappy lately. And by "pretty snappy" I mean a raging, out of control lunatic. Here's a typical conversation between Jeff and I in the car, probably running some sort of errand:

Jeff: Can you come into the store with me, I need some help.
Katharine: Why? I don't WANT to go into the store, I want to stay right here.
Jeff: I need your help, can you please come into the store with me?
Katharine: *insert BIG, dramatic, long, drawn out sigh* Fine
Jeff: Forget it, I'll go do it myself

Now here's where we squabble for about 10 minutes about my attitude and I retort with something completely logical like "I'm just tired". Now, I'm not REALLY tired, I'm just feeling cranky and moody and Jeff happens to be the closest person to me. He also loves me, and hence my completely illogical need to vent all over him.

Why is this? Does anyone else act like this? And if so, how do you STOP it? I mean, once I get in this mood *anything* can annoy me. Seriously, the act of Jeff just BREATHING next to me is just more frosting on my big old angry cake. Help me out here ladies before Jeff finally loses it and buries me in the back yard while listening to the classic GnR tune "I Used To Love Her".

What the Eff Moment

I love QVC. I'm a QVC addict - completly and utterly addicted to the show. I love the hosts, I love the cheesy programs, I love the countdown on the bottom of the screen that lets you know just how many people are purchasing the item currently on air. I love it. But sometimes I have to question just *who* is buying the stuff. My friend Jen called my attention to a jewelry brand by the name of "Kirks Folly" and wow is this stuff SPARKLY! I mean, its like the designer smoked a whole bunch of crack and then went crazy with a bedazzler. It's just insane. Don't believe me? Take a look below:

It's a bracelet cuff with a MERMAID on it. And not just any mermaid. A sparkly, rhinestone encrusted mermaid that looks like she either has REALLY bad indigestion, or is perhaps, dead. Yes, on closer inspection, she's dead. You can wear a dead mermaid around your wrist!

This pin - wow. There is a whole lot of EVERYTHING going on with this pin. It's called the "Stand by me pin", and there are stars and baubles and oh my, oh my.

Perhaps the "Stand by Me" pin above isn't doing it for you? Well *THIS* one has a fairy that's been impaled on a snowflake!!! See, she's been killed and mounted for your wearing pleasure! What more could you ask for???

And my personal favorite? The cat pin. Truly words fail me when it comes to describing this gold plated monstrosity. We've got tiny cats on vacation, complete with matching shiny butterflies, hearts and other items that I just don't recognize. Because I know if Lily ever goes on vacation, well the first thing she's packing is her gold sparkly butterfly. Don't leave home without it!

What kills me the most about all this stuff is how EXPENSIVE it is. The cheapest item is the cat pin at $35. The dead mermaid cuff above is actually retailing at over $100!!! And people BUY IT! I don't get it at all - can someone explain this to me please?

attempt to write a romance short story

Jeff and my father have convinced me to attempt to write my own short story, romance short story I should specify. There's a few publishing places that put out submissions by new authors so I have some ideas to flush out. I'm going to start with short stories first because the idea of writing an entire book is kind of daunting. Now, here's the start of my first short story - tell me what you think. Basically the heroine is trapped in her building over the Christmas holiday and she meets up with the incredibly hot parking attendant (hee hee), they both have crushes on the other and sparks fly as they are trapped together during a blizzard. Is it interesting? Is it something that is descriptive enough? And yes I made my herione a redhead. If you can't live vicariously through your own writing, when can you? And as Dawn can attest, I'm pretty darn good at writing personalized stories! So without further ado:

Gwendolyn bit back tears as she bent her head over the keyboard. All around her Christmas lights twinkled and pictures of laughing Santas and jolly snowmen mocked her. It was Christmas Eve and she was the last person left in her office, desperately trying to put together a spreadsheet that compiled the last 6 months of financial data. She could still see her boss, Mr. Endelman, leering at her as he handed her the manila folder of paperwork. She had just been wrapping herself in her jacket, ready to leave for the Christmas holiday when he’d cornered her.

“Gwendolyn, I need this data input immediately into our database. Please email me a copy before you leave for your holiday”. His smile was oily and rodent like, and Gwendolyn had been shaking in anger as she slipped out of her jacket and sat back down at her desk.

Ever since she’d turned down her boss’s drunken advances at the holiday party he’d been a jerk to her. She shuddered inwardly as she remembered the feel of his sweaty hands as he pawed at her breasts, how his breath reeked of alcohol and garlic shrimp as he tried to kiss her. She’d been so surprised by his behavior that she’d slapped him in the face without thinking. Forgetting the fact that Mr. Edelman’s ego was legendary and that he considered himself a ladies’ man, a delusion he bragged about to anybody who would stand still long enough to hear him talk. And since Mrs. Edelman was the VP of Human Resources, Gwendolyn had no choice but to grin and take it. Illegal or not, the last two assistants who complained about Mr. Edelman’s roving hands had been fired immediately.

Glancing over at the dark window she watched as white snow fell faster and faster from the sky. She’d already called her parent’s house to tell them she wouldn’t be making the drive home for the holiday, and she was now thoroughly depressed at the idea of Christmas Eve all alone in her tiny studio apartment.

Sighing, she bent back over her computer screen. Hopefully she’d have all the numbers transcribed within the next few hours and she’d be able to get back to her apartment before the predicted blizzard hit.

Upcoming Operation

I got my confirmation letter about my upcoming surgery date. I was perusing this letter, reading the dos and don'ts about this event when I saw the following paragraph:

"The doctor wants you to stop taking any Asprin, Motrin, Advil, Ibuprofen, Aleve, Ultram, Etodolac, any form of Vitamin E or herbal products for ten (10) days prior to the operation. (Tylenol is permitted for minor aches)".

WHAT??? No Advil??? It says right there - no Advil. I LOVE my Advil liquid gels, love them. I am a HUGE believer in my right to self medicate, and Advil liquid gels is my drug of choice. Any sort of minor ache/pain/irritant is immediately treated with my beloved blue pills. I take three at the same time, rather than two. My thought process being that three will work better than the two suggested. Regardless, this is going to be VERY hard. Incredibly hard. Especially since there is no definition for "minor aches". Just what is a "minor ache"? Basically what the letter is telling me to do is to SUCK IT UP! Really, they could have saved a lot of writing by simply telling me that the next ten days are going blow, and I should just deal with it.

Bah. I really cannot WAIT for this to surgery to be over with!

Evening

Watching "The Great American Bash" on pay per view this evening. And I'm watching match after match and am struck by the point that there is no Kane. Where is my Kane?? Why in the WORLD would they have a pay per view event with no Kane? Perhaps he's somwhere feeling like he needs a hug? Maybe he needs a therapeutic massage? Who knows, but I'm going to keep watching to see if he makes an appearance!

Update! He just came out and interrupted the match between CM Punk and Batista. AND he was carrying his burlap bag/purse filled with God only knows what! He must also be PMSing because he is one angry man tonight. He DEFINITELY needs a hug and a massage. Perhaps not in that order!

Late Night

Last night Jeff and I went with one of his friends to the 11:30pm showing of Baman: The Dark Knight.
Really, really amazing movie. Heath Ledger was, of course, brilliant, and it makes me incredibly sad that he is no longer with us. And the movie was an all around visually stunning film with interesting and well-developed characters, but oh my am I tired today at work. We didn't get home until almost 3am and I was so wired from the movie, the soda, and the candy (really, some sort of chocolate or popcorn is requred anytime you go see a show!) that I didn't get to sleep until around 6am. Up again at 7:45am and at work by 8:30am. Yes, I skipped a shower this morning, but since the alarm didn't go off in time and I instead woke up to Jeff saying "Oh my God, what time is it", I really am lucky I made it to work at all! I don't regret going to see the movie, although I am sucking down Diet Coke by the gallon in an attempt to keep my brain from fogging over. When will I learn that I am not 18 anymore and that at the age of 33 I just cannot make do on less than a full nights' sleep??? Someone please feel free to remind me if I ever have the urge to catch a midnight showing of a movie again!

Dog Monty and Puke

I came home from work last night, a LONG day where I worked from 9am until 8pm and I was tired. Very tired. When I have nights like that I tend to come home and pass out on the sofa. Last night was no different. I walked in the front door, said hello to Jeff, went upstairs and changed into a VERY flattering outfit of sweatpants and tank top, and came back downstairs. Falling onto our sofa I looked down. Dog puke. On our carpet. In fact, there were THREE stains of dog puke on our carpet that I had previoulsy not noticed. Lovely. Now, the carpet in our living room is very small. The rest of the floor is wood, and the only reason that we have a carpet at all is because our wood floor is so badly patched that the only thing we can do is cover it. So the carpet is small, and the rest of the downstairs is either wood or tile. But it never fails that when Monty decides to throw up SOMETHING, its on the carpet. Why is this?? It's SO much harder for me to clean up the carpet than it is the wood or tile? Why carpet? What IS it about carpet that shines as a bright beacon for dog vomit?? ARGH! I love Monty to death, love him, he's a goofy, clumsy, loveable BEAST of a dog, but WHY oh WHY does he have to ruin our carpet?? In the three years we've been in this house we've had three different carpets solely because of Monty. Sigh. I guess this is the price we pay for being pet owners!

Movie Night

Went to see Wall-E with my father and Jeff this past weekend, and I LOVED it! Loved it, Loved it, Loved it! The first half of the movie is odd for a movie, no dialogue. And I think that's where the movie lost Jeff - but it totally worked for me. Wall-E and his pet cockroach, his love of all the items he finds, and his romance with the new robot "EVE" is just so cute. I absolutely loved it. The romance storyline was just too sweet, and the ending started to make me bawl like a baby. If you haven't see Wall-E you definitely should! Both my father and I enjoyed it, and even though Jeff nodded off in parts you really shouldn't go by his opinion! After all, its only my opinion that counts! ;-)

Favorite Books

Since we're still on the subject of books, I thought I'd make a little post of some of my favorites. I tend to re-read my favorite books, and if I can't see myself re-reading a book, I don't keep it. You can always tell my favorite books by how dog eared and beat up they are. Oh, and the binding is ALWAYS bent!

"Pink Think: Becoming a Woman in Many Uneasy Lessons"

This book goes into history to talk about how the idea of pink and feminity became intertwined, mainly focusing on the 1950's era. I'm making it sound boring, but its really excellent and had some interesting facts in there too. She dissects and rips into all the "how to" books and magazines marketing to young girls during that time, and she does it with a sly edge of humor.

"Emma"

Yup, LOVE Emma, love it. If you haven't read this classic, you are missing out!

"Sex with Kings: 500 years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge"

Really fun and quick read, the author talks about past kings and their mistresses. She ties in historical facts, how mistresses changed a dynasty for better or worse, why they were so popular, and how beauty was not always what had captivated a king. For example, did you know that Madam de Pompadour was actually frigid? She "hired out" the sexual side of her relationship with Louis to a brothel so she would not have to share his bed. She kept her power by being the most fascinating, enchanting woman in his court and she was by his side for over 20 years until her death.

"Megan's Mark"

Looking for a steamy, hot read that includes a kind of werewolf/sci fi background? This book is scorching hot. I mean the scenes in here are enough to make you blush reading it alone. Frankly after the third book in this series, the author loses me mainly because of the same reasons I've listed below. The writing all seems to repeat itself. But this first one I've kept because I still think it's HOT!

"Moon Called"

Ignore the really bad cover - it's actually a very good story. The heroine is a shapeshifter (she turns into a coyote) and she works as a mechanic. There's werewolves and vampires, and the lead is actually an interesting, strong woman where the romance angle isn't the main plot point. I've read all three books in this series and they keep getting better and better. If you like the whole fantasy genre, than you'll probably like this book!

"Can't Wait to Get To Heaven"

I adore Fannie Flagg and have read just about all of her books. This one is my absolute favorite. The lead character, Elner, has died and gone to heaven for the first half of the book and it talks about how her death affects the other characters, and also what Elner's idea of heaven is. For example, she gets to heaven on an elevator that is like a roller coaster ride - apparently each person' entrance to heaven is based on what they liked during life. One person arrived on a luxury boat, another in a convertible. It's really, really excellent and I actually got a little teary at the end. But I'm a sap like that!

"The Italian Boy: A Tale of Murder and Body Snatching in the 1830's"

I LOVE books about history, and if you throw in a mystery and murder, well, I'm hooked. This one is about the murder of an italian boy who had made his living in England by showcasing little white mice, he would set up plays and the such and people would pay him to see them. It was apparently a fairly common way for immigrant children to make money. It also ties in the whole idea that body snatching or grave robbing was the way most universities got their cadavers for research, despite it being illegal. The author REALLY did their research on this one, but kept the story moving at the same time. Excellent book, even if it is slightly depressing.

Well that's it, I could go on and on about my favorite books, but I think this covers them for now! Enjoy and happy reading!

Love of Books

I love books, love them. At heart, I am truly a book nerd. Give me a good book and I will be completely and utterly absorbed in that world until the book is done. And on the flip side, a bad book or a lazy author makes me crazy. Typos, grammatical errors, all those things make me insane. I'm incredibly loyal to an author and their storyline until the author does something I don't like. At that point I'm gone, never to reconcile with either the author or their characters.

When I was younger, I loved Romance novels. You know, the bodice rippers filled with innocent virgins and dashing men. One author that I read a lot of was Julie Garwood. ...


The one above was the first one I found, and at 14 I don't even remember why my mother bought it for me, but I wound up reading about 7-10 of Miss Garwood's books. I stopped reading them when two things happened:
1. I noticed that all her books were pretty much the same. Beautiful, innocent, VIRGINAL heroine somehow crosses the path of handsome, world-weary, SLUTTY man. Man at first dislikes heroine, until he starts to become enamored with her charms (virginity). Heroine finds man loathsome at first (he's a man whore), and then eventually becomes enamored with him. They have sex, scenes that largely consist of phrases about caresses, gasps, and hearts filled with love. Cue to the BIG PROBLEM, where some sort of misunderstanding separates the two, hurt feelings abound. Then the big make-up where the two get back together and either get married immediately, or get engaged immediately, walking off into the sunset hand in hand. End Story.
2. My father, being even more of a book snob than I am, HATED the fact that I read these books, and undertook a spectacular cure for my obsession. How did he manage this? Well he would pick up a book, flip it open, and randomly start reading. OUT LOUD. Now I don't know how he managed this, but he would always manage to find the BIG SEX SCENE of the book, lots of descriptions of salty kisses, rough hands, bodies pressing together and my father would gleefully follow me around the house as he read. I, meanwhile, would be holding my hands over my ears and screaming because let's face it, the horror of my FATHER talking about sex was enough to scar me for life. I don't even think 20 years later I've fully recovered from that trauma.

Anyhoo, books. I do love books and maybe my next post will include some of my favorites!

Slack Ass Lazy Dinner Planning

I don't cook. Ever. I don't actually *hate* cooking, I just get distracted easily and tend to forget that there's, oh, something in the oven. As a result Jeff and I had gotten into the habit of eating out a lot. Not because Jeff doesn't cook, he's actually a really good cook, but because we're slack ass lazy. I usually come home after 8pm at night, and the last thing either of us wants to do is cook something. Normally one of us will call the other and say things along the lines of "I'm in the car, where do you want me to stop pick up dinner". We've done this for, oh, the last three years of our relationship.

But money has been tight. Like everyone else in this country, we're trying to cut back. Not spending as much money, and eating out is just not the daily occurence that it used to be. We've been buying groceries and EATING THEM! You have no idea how unusual this is for us. We normally shop on a Sunday and the next Sunday throw everything out. Not so anymore. We've been eating our groceries and planning our meals, and it's a freakin' miracle!

Maybe the phrase "planning our meals" sounds like we're actually making dinners with the four food groups. Nope. We're still slack ass lazy. Instead our dinner tonight consisted of the following:

Jealous?

Hatred for Nightime Noises

Some of you may know that one of my jobs (aside from Massage Therapy) is working as a caretaker for the elderly. It's not a glamorous job, but I actually like it and some of the clients I've been assigned to have been a lot of fun. Well right now I'm at a client's house, and my job is to sleep here overnight in case my client happens to need me. Not a hard job, or mentally taxing, but its fun, and lets face it. I'm ASLEEP for most of it. Anyway, my client tonight lives in an apartment building and it is LOUD. As in there are neighbors that talk, watch tv all night, drunken fighting, tires on cars schreeching, all sorts of noise. I HATE noise at night. I have had insomnia off and on for, oh, the last 8 years or so. Changing careers helped it a LOT, but I still have a hard time falling asleep. I like things to be QUIET. Ask Jeff what a joy I am to be around at night if he should happen to want to watch television. Even if he's downstairs and watching a progam with the volume turned ridiculously low, I can hear it. And if I can hear it, I can't sleep. And if I can't sleep - well, let's just say I'm not exactly fun to be around. When I moved into my studio oh so many years ago, the guy next door to me proceeded to play his Salsa music on level 10 at like 2am on a Tuesday night. Who does that? I rolled out of bed, pounded on his door, and I'm positive I scared the shit out of him because he immediately turned down his music.

When we were first dating, Jeff got me a white noise machine to listen to, and it helps quite a bit. I don't have that here, I can't have anything like that because I cannot drown out the background chaos. Remember, my job is to be here "just in case", and if I have a noise machine on, or ear plugs in, or anything else, well, I can't hear my client if she needs me. So I'm sitting here and WIDE AWAKE silently cursing the people downstairs who are listening to the nightly news at an insanely loud level. It's kind of nice in a way though, now I know that it should be in the 70's tomorrow with a chance of rain/thunderstorms.

Wish me luck everyone, its going to be a long, long, long night!

Lunch

My lunch today consisted of the following:

1 Can Diet Coke

8 Pepperidge Farm Mint Milano Cookies

That's the lovely thing about being an adult. You can eat whatever the heck you want. Remember when you were younger and you would get lectured about "completing the protein" or something like that when you had lunch? No? Okay, that was just my house. But still, remember when you had to follow rules about what went on your plate? Or how much you HAD to eat? Not so anymore! Feel like having chocolate cake for breakfast? Go for it! How about a lunch that consists of a handful of tic tacs and a glass of wine? No problem. I'm telling you, out of all the bad things that come from being an adult, this is the good part that I take full advantage of!

Fear of Spiders

I hate spiders. Hate them, hate them, hate them. I would rather face just about anything but a spider. When I was really young I would scream hysterically and LOUDLY if I so much as saw the tiniest of spiders. My father used to get a piece of paper and carry the offending insect outside, usually while I was dancing around screaming "kill it"! As an animal nut I know its pretty hypocritical of me to love animals, and want all spiders dead. But I do. I know that they're an important part of the ecosystem and all the other fabulous things they do, but inside my house? No thank you.

Anyway, Jeff hates spiders too, but as the man of the house he has been pressed into Spider Killing Detail and you better believe if there is a spider around, he has to kill it. And not just because he loves me, but because I am a royal pain in the ass until he does. Lots of screaming, huddling away from the corner and basically acting like a three year old. He gets no peace until the spider has gone bye bye.

So if anyone knows some natural ways to get rid of spiders? I'd love to hear them!