My Little Boy

Nathan had his first real haircut about a week ago. At 13 months old he had had his hair trimmed previously, but not a cut. Not a hair style. He still looked like my precious baby. Well, Jeff finally snapped and told me that Nathan was getting a baby mullet and we determined it was time for a real cut. Not just a "trim the hair out of his eyes". A cut.

We took him to Snip-It's in Burlington and the hair stylist was AMAZING. And I say that because Nathan was AWFUL. Now this place is sooo kid oriented. They had little televisions at each station playing cartoons, they had bubbles, they had EVERYTHING! Nathan was still awful. As soon as he sat in the chair and the drape was put around him, he cried. He cried and cried and cried and swatted the hair stylists hand AWAY from him.. the hand that held SCISSORS by the way. Bless her heart, but she was still able to give him the cu test little cut. We'll definitely be going back because Nathan looks ADORABLE.

But at the same time, he looks like a LITTLE BOY. And yes I realize he IS a little boy- he doesn't look like my BABY anymore. It's soooo sad and I'll get ready to post pictures soon so we can all mourn together the idea that my precious angel is... sigh... growing up!

Lack of Sleep, Moving Boxes everywhere and general cranky attitude

I feel like I am turning into a bitch. Jeff and I (and Nathan and Monty) are moving this up-coming Friday. I'm so excited on one hand, but on the other hand, I am completely overwhelmed and cranky. Our house is tiny. It's tiny and now has BOXES STACKED EVERYWHERE! There are boxes stacked next to the sofa, under the stairs, near our breakfast bar. Boxes are taking up precious inches of space and making this house feel EVEN SMALLER. I am stressed about being READY for the move so I don't sleep. I don't sleep and as a result I am cranky. In fact, I have crossed the line from cranky and gone into full force bitch mode. The only person immune to my bitch mood is Nathan. Let's face it, Nathan can do nothing wrong and even when he's being a terror, I STILL smother him in kisses. But Jeff and Monty? They don't fare as well. Jeff gets snippy answers. Snippy, short answers. Sometimes punctuated with comments about how tired I am thrown in for good measure. Because I want Jeff to SUFFER WITH ME! And poor Monty. Monty gets yelled at. The poor dog has space the size of a postage stamp, and in his defensive there is NOWHERE in the house he can go without being in the way. So it's non-stop "Monty - move" or "Scoot" or "I'm putting Monty outside for the next hour because I cannot deal anymore". Do I need to add that Monty HATES being outside and spends the entire time at the gate waiting to come back in?? It makes me feel soooo guilty, but I have no choice. This is my SANITY we're talking about.

Now this week Nathan has been really, really good with naps. He takes a morning nap around 9:30am and sleeps till like 11:30am. Sometimes he takes an afternoon nap, sometimes he doesn't. Today, however, taking a nap went bye bye. I put Nathan down at 10am. He was EXHAUSTED. For some reason though, maybe because Nathan was like a shark smelling blood in the water and knew that I had only gotten about three hours of sleep, Nathan was NOT napping. We changed his diaper three times. I went up and brought him his pacifier more times than I can recall. I cuddled and kissed him. I got him all snuggly and comfy in his crib and he DID NOT NAP. In fact, he didn't nap until 12pm. It was 2 hours of whining and crying and fussing and Jeff and I arguing about the need to nap. It was NOT pretty. Though our arguing this time did not reach the fevered pitch it could have because we were TOO TIRED TO EFFECTIVELY ARGUE WITH EACH OTHER. We had no energy to fight. Well, I did manage to bitch that I would rather gouge out my eyeballs than watch a wrestling show on television thus sending Jeff into another room as I watched the lovely and always-soothing QVC. But honestly, that's polite for us when we're ready to have at it.

Meanwhile it's now 11:16pm on a Saturday night and guess what? I can't sleep. It's gonna be another long, long night!

Dinner Theatre

I perform dinner theatre. Yup, untalented me now spends her days dancing and singing and doing just about ANYTHING to keep Nathan both in his highchair AND eating the food I give him. Right now he's starting doing delightful things such as saying "No" and pushing my hand or spoon or sippy cup away. He also LOVES the fact that by throwing food on the floor that Monty will come running. Need I add that Monty is FINALLY excited to have Nathan around? I mean, he gets PEOPLE FOOD NOW! Monty is BEYOND thrilled.. as soon as the highchair comes out Monty is underneath it, drooling, anxious and READY! Now to keep Nathan happy when I'm feeding him is a trial. I'm constantly trying to entertain him, and/or determine if he's saying "NO" because he is done with eating, or "NO" because he just likes to push my hand away and make a mess. So here's what I do:

1. Turn on the music. ANY music! I'm particularly fond of Lazytown and The Fresh Beat Band. Okay, fond is stretching it, but I can only listen to kiddie music for so long so I always need to mix it up a bit.
2. Dance around the highchair. To get the full visual you need to picture me in my standard uniform of yoga pants, pink tank tops, and bare feet that are in desperate need of a pedicure. I could have make-up on, or maybe not. But to keep Nathan entertained I am not above shaking what my mama gave me.
3. Finger food. When I hear "No" - usually what that means is Nathan is tired of me spoon feeding him and he wants to feed himself. So finger food is quickly cut up and put on the tray so Nathan can feed himself, or feed Monty. Really the choice is no longer mine.
4. Sippy cup. In between giving him bites of food off a spoon, I also throw down any distraction I can find. His own spoon, the measuring spoons, bits of waffle, his sippy cup. It all gets tossed down at regular intervals in the hopes I have given him what he wanted.
5. I let Nathan feed me. Jeff just saw this tonight and he thinks it's "disgusting", but it keeps Nathan happy so I do it. Towards the end of the meal I put my face close to his and he gets all smiley and I say "Is that for Mama"? Nathan than grabs whatever happens to be on his tray and shoves it in my face. I let him put it in my mouth and I saw "YUMMY" and make exaggerated chewing motions. The bad thing about this? Nathan's hands START OUT clean, but with the grabbing of food, feeding himself - let's just say it's not a pretty picture. But it keeps him happy and I am so far gone I just don't care that he's putting his grubby hands in my mouth.

I can only pray that nobody SEES the lengths that I go through to get Nathan to eat. But since Nathan STILL prefers to be carried in my arms instead of in his stroller, I have a feeling I'm setting myself up for about 10 years of ongoing mealtime performances. I'll be like the "Cats" of baby entertaining!

Attempt to modify my attitude

I'm a deeply sarcastic person by nature. I love metal music - the angrier and the more angsty the better. I also love scary movies. Now that I have Nathan I've become aware of the fact that I am responsible for shaping his personality. I know some of his personality will be "nature", but some will be "nurture". I'd like the "nurture" aspect of his personality to be positive. I want him to be happy and confident and self-aware. I want him to be a good person, a kind person, someone who helps people yet has the inner strength to stand up for himself. I want him to be a better version of me. So I found this site about Happy Things and here's a list of things they gave to be happy about:
blue M & M's
crunchy bell peppers
greater self-awareness
the trivium of grammar, logic, and rhetoric - and the quadruvium of geometry, arithmetic, astronomy, and music; the seven liberal arts
Picasso paintings in Barcelona
about one-ninth of any iceberg appears above the water's surface
sun too bright to look at
giant cabbages
blenders
a real general store
self-adhesive stamps
wooden-pegged paneling and ships' nails
helping an old lady cross the street
gangs of crows

It's an interesting list because most of the things that I see on here I've never really given much thought to. I know today I was happy for quite a few reasons:
I actually went OUT on a Friday night. Like OUT out. WITH A FRIEND! We watched two movies (Toy Story 3 and The Expendables - both were excellent in their own different ways), and I ate M & M's and we later went to a local bar where I had the most delicious green apple martini and felt delightfully tipsy afterwards.
Jeff and I didn't fight this weekend - Can I get a WOOT WOOT for this one???
Prune juice is like the nectar of the gods when dealing with a constipated baby. It was like his whole system just cleaned RIGHT OUT! And while being happy about a poopy diaper seems kind of silly - well it beats the alternative of having your child scream and cry because he CANNOT POOP!
My mother in law brought over food this morning so Jeff and I have bagels and bulky rolls and chicken salad and seafood salad and deli meats and cheeses for the next few day. YUM!
Nathan got his first haircut at Snip It's in Burlington and the woman who cut his hair was AMAZING. Nathan cried and cried the ENTIRE TIME and she gave him the most adorable cut and she didn't slice off a finger in the process. A small miracle considering he kept trying to push her hand away.

I've also found that because I now primarily listen to children's music during the day, I've gotten a little more upbeat. I actually really like the following song:

Play Time with Nathan

Starting to get the hang of the whole "stay at home" thing with Nathan. We have playtime and feeding time, and SOMETIMES there is even..... wait for it.. NAP TIME!!! Oh how I love nap time! Anyway, every single day I feel like Nathan is doing something different, learning, or surprising me with what he can do. Lately, he's obsessed with books. He'll pick out a book and drag it over to me and kind of, well, THROW it at me! I'll say "Do you want me to read your book" and he'll smile and I'll pull him onto my lap and we'll read together. Okay, I'll TRY to read. Nathan has not yet mastered the whole idea of waiting for me to finish reading what is on the page before TURNING the page! And he goes back and forth. Right now tough, he's OBSESSED with a version of "Pat the Bunny" called "Bunny and Friends". Basically Paul and Judy, along with their new friends Gordon and Kay, are looking for bunny and they see a lot of other animals on the farm first. Honestly, I had no idea there even WAS a sequel to "Pat the Bunny" and secretly think it's kind of a lame book - but Nathan LOVES it. He pulls it out of the book shelf to bring to me so I read it. Over and over and over again. And again. And again. I know repetition is good for kids, but my oh my. I keep trying to switch it out for another book, and sometimes I can convince him that "Go Dog Go" is a better choice, but not always.

It is super cute though. Especially when he's sitting on my lap all excited and he stops every now and then and looks back at me. Making sure I'm still there, maybe? But it's adorable when he does it and it absolutely melts me heart.

We are however, VERY excited to move. Baby jail is NOT working for Nathan anymore. And we can't use our exersaucer either since he's figured out how to escape. You have to be with him ALL THE TIME or he does some sort of houdini manuever and when a 13 month old is "exploring", well, that's not a good thing.

Countdown to moving? 16 days!

Knees

My poor, poor knees. I finished Day 9 of the running program and the whole time my knees ached. From start to finish. What the heck can I do about knee pain?? I know losing weight helps with knee pain, but heck, how can I lose weight when I can't jog without knee pain??? Ugh... oh, and I'd like to add that I effing GAINED weight. Yes, I've GAINED weight while doing my jogging program. It's just unfair people. Really, really unfair. Bah!!!

Rage

I'm late on this bandwagon but it really, really upsets me. Apparently supermodel Giselle has issued the following verdict:

“Some people here (in the US) think they don’t have to breastfeed, and I think ‘Are you going to give chemical food to your child when they are so little?’ I think there should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months.”

Words cannot express how much this angers me. I adore my baby, my son, really my reason for getting out of bed in the morning more than I can ever express. I breastfed Nathan for approximately 3 weeks. It was 3 long, long weeks. I didn't have a problem with latching or milk production, my problem was that Nathan was using me as a pacifier. When I tell you that for 3 weeks I slept for maybe an hour at a time as I sat on the sofa switching Nathan from on breast to the other, I am not lying. I was exhausted. I was beyond exhausted. Me, a die hard insomniac who has gone to work and STAYED AWAKE at her job after only 20 minutes of sleep the night before, was losing her mind. Nathan is a formula fed baby and I still feel guilty about it. Really guilty. Like bad mommy guilt. While on one hand, I know that I made the best decision for me, the other hand is over there just wringing away with guilt. I WISH I could have breast fed Nathan for longer. I WANTED to breast feed Nathan for longer. I couldn't do it. And while I applaud all the mommies out there who are able to do it, I do NOT need some supermodel bitch telling me how awful I am as a parent. And I want to know about the women who cannot breast feed? I have dear friends who tried and tried and just couldn't do it. They are AMAZING mommies. So there should be a LAW that would force them to breastfeed when they physically cannot?? GAH! The whole thing just angers me and once again I wonder why I live in a culture where just because someone is physically attractive that we feel that what they have to say is TRUE and IMPORTANT when in reality they are spewing NONSENSE. GAH! And GAH again!

Thoughts and Randomness

I've got a lot on my mind lately and none of it really flows, so here it goes!
1.
I'm on Day 7 of my running program. This week is week 2, even though it's week 3. Does that make sense? Well I did the week 1 running program for 2 weeks, and now I'm doing the week 2 running program. It's as follows:
Brisk five-minute warmup walk.
Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

I forced my lazy self off the sofa tonight and oh my God. It was HARD. My legs felt like cement for most of the time, and it was very difficult. I did it. I'm proud of myself for doing it - but whew. It's not easier. I'm hoping by the time I get to September that I'm actually not struggling as much.

2.
I'm once again dreaming of new bedding. I've been perusing The Company Store catalogues like a crack addict jonesing for her next fix. Lovely words like "down", "plush", "luxury" and "sensual" are calling to me from the pages. I've also discovered that The Company Store puts out some lovely children's items. Bedding, room decorations, hooded towels. I want it all. I've marked up their catalogue with a lovely black sharpie pen and in my pretend online shopping cart I've got about $500 worth of stuff that I want to get for Nathan all picked out. Once again, this is the reason why I should never own a credit card. Ever. Because all that stuff? It would be mine!

3.
I find it super annoying that no matter how tired I am lately, and even with exercise, I can go to bed and still not be able to sleep. I go to bed around 10:30pm and I still don't sleep till around midnight. To make things even MORE annoying - Jeff comes to bed around 11:30pm and as soon as his head hits his pillow - he's out cold. As an insomniac there is really just about nothing that is more head-banging unfair than seeing your partner blissfully sleeping. It just emphasizes the fact that you.. are NOT sleeping. And that you most likely will NOT be sleeping anytime soon. And yes, I follow all the lovely rules for insomnia. Bed at the same time, getting UP at the same time, no caffeine after a certain hour... the lists never really change and yet they never make a damn bit of difference in my sleep routine. I follow them all to no avail. Insomnia still pops up like that horrible ex-boyfriend you thought was finally gone for good. Oh, do I need to mention that Jeff SNORES?? Thus is the soundtrack of my life.

4.
Nathan has apparently reached the age where other children will hit him. Today, for example, I took him to Little Bears. It's a playcenter on Rte 1 where you can let your child run around and play. They have plush sofas for moms and dads to hang out, they have coffee and tea, and they have a TON of toys. Since Nathan is so little, I can't really just let him roam around and have fun while I peruse an US Weekly. I instead pretty much follow him around. At one point he was playing with a ball near another little boy who was only a few weeks older. I think around 15 months. This little boy wanted the ball too. His solution? He hit Nathan. About three times. Nathan cried and I scooped him up and the other mother was mortified. It's not her fault, it's not even the little boy's fault. It's the age, it's what they do. A few minutes later? That same little boy picked up the ball and threw it at Nathan's head where it bounced off him. I picked Nathan up and moved him to a different area of the room right after that. It's frustrating because I don't really know what to do. The other mother was clearly embarassed. The kids are young enough that you really can't ask them to apologize - they don't understand that, but I still didn't like seeing my precious baby get smacked around. So moving him seemed to be the best option. I guess I wasn't expecting these sorts of issues already. For some reason I was thinking that happened later, like around 4. Apparently I was wrong. I guess for now I just have to be even more vigilant about watching Nathan when he's playing near other children.

5.
Jeff and I are getting ready to move and we've started cleaning out our basement. That resulted in about 4 bins of trash. How in the WORLD do we manage to fit so much STUFF into such a small house? It boggles the mind really! Next weekend we're planning on hitting up our shed - our shed that we haven't touched in like 4 years. May the force be with us!!!