Animals

Jeff is going to come home tonight and find that the animals are dead. I will have killed them. And I will kill them while laughing hysterically.

ALL DAY LONG I have heard whining from Monty - whine, whine, whine, whine - goes to door, runs back at me, whine, whine, whine
If by some chance I happen to MOVE during the course of the day he comes barreling downstairs at top speed and slams into me. Surely I am getting up to either:
A. Get him a treat
B. Take him out
C. Get him a treat AND take him out
As of this minute he has been outside 3 times in the course of 6 hours. What is he doing right now? Whining at the door.

Lily, not to be outdone, has started crying in her room. If MONTY is getting attention, well by golly she wants some attention too.
Lily - MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW... pacing around her room - MEOW, MEOW, MEOW. Her stamina knows no limit, her lung capacity would put an Olympic Swimmer to shame. She can keep this up for HOURS. What she wants, is to be let out of her room. Not because she wants to come over and get attention, oh no. But because she might MAYBE want some attention. Really it's the closed door that gets her, she has a psychotic desire to be on the opposite side of every door. Door open? She wants to stay in. Door closed? She wants out.

So Jeff, when you get home you may find two dead animals and a wife who has finally cracked.