Sunday Night Blues

I totally have the Sunday Night Blues this week. There's no rational reason I should be feeling this way, but I am ready to throw a temper tantrum because I completely want to be a stay at home mom. I dread Sundays because it means that Monday morning I head off to work when what I really want to do is stay home with Nathan. It's an interesting feeling because before Nathan I had absolutely zero desire to EVER be a stay at home mom... a trophy wife - sure! Who wouldn't love to shop, 'do lunch', and get spa treatments all day??? But right now what I really want is to be home with Nathan. Even if he's fussy and cranky and I'm dead tired by the time Jeff comes home on Fridays - I LOVE being with him. I love it. I love it when he belly laughs, I love it when he tries to gouge out my eyeball, and I love just the whole day. I fantasize about what a good housewife I would be - and let's face it. I've got the cleaning and laundry thing done COLD!! Cooking.. well. there's room for improvement there I'll admit, but in my fantasy I am some sort of weird Donna Reed-like mom who whips up tasty but simple dinners while also making sure Nathan is properly stimulated with educational games and toys. I understand that this is a fantasy and NOT reality, but I still want it. I want it REAL bad.

It's not going to happen anytime soon, and I am heading back to work tomorrow. Work where I know I am lucky to HAVE a job..and this was definitely hammered home to me when I attended a charity event earlier today. One of the ladies at my table just graduated nursing school and cannot get a job. I guess I naively thought that getting a nursing job would be easy since the demand for nurses is so high, but her point was that the demand is for EXPERIENCED nurses. Not new graduates. I had toyed with the idea of maybe going back to school for nursing and I don't mind dealing with blood, or even crisis at my work - what I DO have a problem with is the amount of responsibility that goes along with the job. At my current job if I mess up... it might be bad but nobody is going to die. Nobody is going to get sick. I can fix it. But NURSING.. well hell.. you've got somebody's LIFE in your hands. I cannot even fathom having that kind of responsibility, or level headedness. There is no way I could do that. I would be a wreck, an absolute wreck all the time.

So I'm lucky I have a job, and a job that lets me stay home on Fridays with Nathan (where I confess that despite my fantasies I am NOT making dinner despite having all day to do so), but I still feel incredibly whiny. And ungrateful.

If someone could send me a better attitude I would really appreciate it!