Holiday Highs and Lows

The High:
We had a great time over the holidays. We had family up, we had lovely gifts, and lots of wonderful food. Ahhh the food. It was delicious. But we had such a nice time. Nathan didn't really understand the whole thing, but he DID understand presents. And holy crap did Nathan make out. Now, we only got Nathan a few presents because - hey, he doesn't understand Christmas so why go crazy? AND because we knew he'd make out like a bandit from the relatives. My mother brought a ton of beautiful books for Nathan and he got a few other fabulous gifts from his cousins and Aunt and Uncle. It was Nathan's Nana, however, that REALLY spoiled him. He had four big, and I mean BIG bags, of toys. He got clothes and a push toy lawnmower, a rider, a stand up table and a bunch fo other things. My goodness. I have so many toys that the other day I filled two rubbermaid storage containers and one huge bag with baby toys and brought them to the attic. Even still there is barely room in his playroom because there are SO MANY TOYS. I will say this, I NEVER got that many toys in my life. I feel cheated people, CHEATED!!!

The Low:
Right now though, it's been clean-up time. Two bags of trash went out, I cleaned out the fridge and put in a load of laundry for Nathan and ran the dishes. I am EXHAUSTED. You would think that would be enough. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. My dog, the erstwhile Monty has been really nervous lately with relatives visiting and the such. Well the night before we had locked Monty in our room for the night - we didn't want him bothering Jeff's Mom and her boyfriend Joel in the middle of the night. Well Monty whined NON-STOP. Around 2am Jeff lost his mind and locked Nathan in the bedroom across the hall. Shame on us people, shame on us. Monty was whining FOR A REASON. He had to go out. And he had to go out NOW. We were greeted by dog poop... all over the floor. All over our beige CARPETED floor. Color me pleased. But I also felt bad. The poor dog had TRIED TELLING US he needed to go out, and we were so tired we didn't get the memo. But still... I spent HOURS in there cleaning up and there is STILL a brown stain on the rug. Do I need to add that at the same time we had been hit by a big time blizzard so Jeff and my father were outside shoveling. I don't know who had it worse, me or Jeff and my father. Personally I think it was me and my nightmare of rug cleaner, sponges and vacuum cleaner. Never mind that it is STILL not clean. So the room is shut off. What I really want to do is rip up the carpet because I am so grossed out by the idea of dog poop on the carpet, but let's face it - we're broke. It's not happening.

So that was our holiday! Some ups and downs, mostly ups, and we were all happy and warm and well-fed. Win win all around!

Oh, and I'm leaving you all with my first attempt at a gingerbread house. Be kind:

Santa

One thing I've realized after becoming a mother, and now a stay-at-home mother, is there is a LOT competition between moms. How you raise your child, the choices you make - it's all up for controversy and someone out there is more than willing to make you feel bad about those choices. It's kind of sad really because you would think as women we would stand together and support one another with the decisions that we make as parents. God knows some days it's hard being a woman AND a mother no matter what you decide, so you would hope we would support each other.

Apparently Santa is one such hot button topic, and you can read what I mean in this blurb here:

http://www.babble.com/kid/kids-learning/no-santa-claus-for-our-kids/index.aspx#fbConnectSection

Now, I don't care that this mother isn't going to do the Santa thing or the Elf on a Shelf thing with her child, but it's the TONE in the article that bothers me. The self righteous tone that SHE is doing the best thing. That HER children are being raised the RIGHT way, the CORRECT way. I dislike this, mainly because I hate being told what to do - it's a leftover rebellion thing, what can I say!

Now in THIS household we have a child who will celebrate both Hanukkah AND Christmas. Right now it looks like Christmas exploded all over our living room, and we probably have to work on the whole incorporating Hanukkah thing. We also will most certainly be talking about Santa. In FACT, I already BOUGHT the Elf on a Shelf and since Nathan is still too young to care about things like that, it will be brought out next year. Also, next year - Santa. I also plan on doing super cheesy stuff like having Nathan leave milk and cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. There are also KITS sold to make your kid believe. One is called "Santa Clues" and the description is as follows:

Oh, the wonder of Santa! With this whimsical kit, you—Santa's helper—will capture the timeless magic of Santa's visit to your home. Create a lifetime of memories when your little one wakes to spy a snowy hoof print...and Santa's coat button by the fireplace...imagine their surprise when Santa's glove is found draped by the cookies and milk. Kit includes seven clues and tips for getting the most out of them, year after wondrous year. For ages 4 and up.

Oh I am TOTALLY doing this. I don't care if people think I am "lying" to my child, I do NOT believe that Nathan will become a psycho because I told him about Santa. Me personally? I kind of figured out there was no Santa because the handwriting on the labels was so similar to my own parents. I do, however, distinctly remember that my parents had someone dressed as Santa come to the house and gave my sister and I a candy cane. I don't remember much else but it was FUN and I never forgot it. So it's all Santa in this house and a big fat neener neener to those that disagree with me!

Preserving my sanity

Nathan is allowed one hour of television of day. Some days it's less. Some days it's more. Some days it's exactly one hour. Now, I KNOW that there is a lot of controversy about television and children, but some days it's the only thing that gets me through the late-afternoon/early evening cranky transformation that Nathan undergoes daily. Nathan and I watch the following:
The Wonder Pets
Miss Spider's Sunny Patch
The Fresh Beat Band

Ah the Fresh Beat Band. This is them here:



The names? There is Marina, Kiki, Twist, and Shout. As you can tell, they are VERY upbeat and happy. They sing, they have adventures, and the only thing that gets me through one of their shows (with the exception of the Freeze Dance song which I love for some reason), is imagining just which character is having a torrid affair with the other. I don't know WHY this amuses me, but it does. I mix them up, I swap them up, and I ponder the possibilities. I mean, they're all reasonably attractive people and they are thrown together ALL THE TIME, not to mention bonding over the silly things they do in the pursuit of acting and a paycheck. So, are they DATING?? Maybe this means I am a seriously disturbed person, but I recently found out a mommy friend of mind does this as well so I can't be THAT crazy. And hey, if you had to listen to "Go Bananas" more than once a day, I think you'd be entitled to a little fantasy as well!

Growing Up

I'm kind of a grown up now. It still freaks me out when I think about it. Like an ADULT. I pay bills, I work to help support my family financially (ha ha ha - okay, I work to help keep my car running and my son provided with exciting things like strawberries and yogurt), and I am COOKING. Now, the cooking part is kind of exciting and sad. Previously, I took a sort of PRIDE in my lack of cooking skills. The fact that my oven had never been turned on, I was okay with it. More than okay. I remember I once made lobster ravioli with alfredo sauce for a guy I was dating. This was a BIG DEAL. If I attempted to cook something, something from SCRATCH, well, I was making a HUGE EFFORT. His response? To tell me it was "a little too cheesy" and he "didn't like it". Unbelievable. In that minute I decided, in my head, I would never cook for him again. And I didn't. And the relationship didn't last either. When I met Jeff I also attempted to cook for him. I made him baked ziti that was so bad that it was cold in the middle and burned on the outside. Do I even need to remind everyone that he ate it? Yup, he ate my completely horrible baked ziti. Definitely a keeper. So in the cooking battle I've been making some progress. I cook things that aren't bad. That we can EAT. I'm still working on the whole planning ahead of time and preparing ahead of time thing, but I'm making progress. And you know what? Part of it's a little bittersweet. A little sad. I have left my single days behind me. Left behind a little bit of myself. Stubbornly part of me wants to hang on to my no-cooking motto. But I know it's gone. On the plus side, I did get this great husband and baby boy out of the trade, so I guess it's not all bad!

Winter

I love winter. Okay, I love the BEGINNING of winter. When snow seems magical and beautiful and it's all white and pretty. When you are able to layer your clothes and wear your thick sweaters and socks. I love slippers that are downy and thick and warm and snuggly and flannel pajamas and flannel sheets. I remember once reading in "Watership Down" (one of the best books in the world) that humans like winter because they enjoy being insulated from it. And that's true. I love being chilly outside so I can come INSIDE and warm up under down blankets and make hot cups of chocolate. I love burrowing under my blankets at bedtime and feeling warm and safe and happy. It's definitely a love of feeling PROTECTED during the winter. I am aware of the fact that I have a home, heat, food and family/friends means that winter for me is a good time. It means Hanukkah and Christmas and presents and lots of delicious food and it means starting traditions for my child. Right now I'm walking around in yoga pants and a fleece jacket because I love how snuggly it makes me feel. I have thick socks on my feet and I am happy. I'm happy because I worked out on the treadmill this morning even though I have a cold and it's made me feel tired and blah. I'm happy because Nathan FINALLY went to sleep and I've got a little break to play around on the Internet. I'm happy because there are presents wrapped under the tree and I've brought down my Christmas decorations. I'm happy because Jeff and I got to see some of his family to celebrate Hanukkah even though Nathan was a horrible bear - we still managed to have a good time. I'm happy because Jeff and I have been through the wringer as a couple and I feel like we've finally regained our footing as parents AND a couple. A tricky balancing act to be sure. And I'm happy that Monty is SLEEPING and not WHINING like he does most days. So yes, I do love winter!

Thankful List

It was a crazy few days here at Chez Weiner. We had a lovely Thanksgiving holiday with family, lots of food and relatives. I had the bright idea of making a brine for the turkey but it didn't really work out. Jeff took over and seriously it was probably the best turkey he's made since I met him. I'm only bummed we didn't have as much leftover as I would have liked. I am a little late in my list but I thought it might be nice to share just how thankful I am this year.

1. I am thankful for my husband. Marriage is not easy, AT ALL, and nobody tells you this for some reason. But Jeff and I have managed to not only get over some pretty nasty fights, but also change our behavior in regards to how we treat each other. Considering I am about as a stubborn as they come, that's pretty huge for me. Compound that with the fact that my favorite form of fighting is to go full out passive aggressive and say "fine" when what I REALLY mean is I am "NOT FINE". Hey, we both have our faults, and that we're actively trying to get better in our relationship is a huge reason to be thankful.

2. Do I even need to write Nathan?? I think we all know how crazy I am for my son, so I won't bore you with more details!

3. Family. My family is probably dysfunctional with a capital D. I don't have the best relationship with my mother, but this weekend she took me out for lunch and shopping. And we didn't fight. That is HUGE! I still have vivid memories of shopping with my mother when I was younger that were so disastrous that at one point a salesperson actually asked us to leave the dressing room. It could get ugly. But this time we had yummy lunch, and she got Nathan some beautiful clothes from Gymboree (really, EVERYTHING is cute there!), and she would have gotten me some clothes but I was feeling overwhelmed by the post Black Friday crowds and didn't really have the time to try everything on, so instead she got my a beautiful new handbag. LOVE!!

4. Our house. My goodness I love our house. It's easy and cosy and lovely and PERFECTION. I am so in love with our house, and the fact that my father is downstairs and can run upstairs and "watch Nathan" when I need an extra pair of hands is just an added bonus.

5. My bed and watching QVC. Well documented is my love for QVC. Since Nathan is now in his OWN ROOM AND CRIB (Can I get a Hallelujah?) I have been able to resume my torrid love affair with all things Q. I get into bed, my super comfortable bed with thick blankets and comforter (that I love and Jeff loathes) and watch QVC until I drift into sleep.

There are so many other things I am thankful for:

Christmas decorations

Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies

Martinis

Date nights with my husband

Dolph Lundgren in "The Expendables" because he is freakin' hot STILL and I will always love him

Moisturizer

Shopping trips and/or playdates with friends

Harry Potter

Pedicures

The smell of fall weather

Hot apple cider

I could go on and on about all the things I love and am thankful for, but you guys get the idea! Hope everyone had as wonderful a holiday as I did!

And here's my little gift to you:

See, now you're thankful as well! ;-)

Lunch

Chicken Salad. Doesn't sound so bad right? Well I had chicken salad and scooped it up with potato chips much like you would with dip. I was just feeling too lazy to get a roll out. It was actually really tasty with some lovely apple cider to wash it all down. I know, it's kind of gross but it tasted good and since Nathan is napping - nobody can watch me in my shame.

BUT, it IS a better lunch than the bowl of oatmeal chocolate chip cookie dough that I ALMOST made solely so I could eat it raw. Raw eggs and salmonella be damned!!

Thankfulness

It's been a productive day here at the Weiner household. Got up and got Nathan dressed (his diaper rash is SOOOO much better - I know you were all dying to know that!) and we headed out. First things first we dropped off the Christmas Shoebox I had compiled at a local church in Melrose. Next up was a quick stop at the Christmas Tree Shop were I got a roasting pan and a super adorable present for Nathan for Christmas. Yes, I realize he was with me when I bought it, but at the same time, he's 16 months old and doesn't know I'm buying him a gift. I also saw a FABULOUS BLOW UP SANTA CLAUSE SNOW GLOBE - and I was sorely tempted to buy it but since I didn't have the cash, I sadly passed it by. Next up, I dropped off a box of Nathan's clothes to the Salvation Army. It feels good at this time of year to give back. Granted, I did so on a small scale, but it made me feel good. My family has been blessed and we have a whole lot to be thankful for, so giving back even just a little makes me feel kind of "christmasy".

What are you guys thankful for this holiday season?

2 Different Thoughts Today

1. Nathan has the world's worst diaper rash. It's AWFUL and it's pretty much my fault. He's had some, ahem, tummy issues and when I took him on a play date he needed a new diaper. Now, normally I use Pampers Sensitive wipes on him. He's got my super-sensitive vampire skin, and those wipes work best. Well in my diaper bag I had Pampers Extra Thick wipes. They had "scent". I didn't think much of it and changed his diaper and he happily went on his way. Until that night. HORRIBLE diaper rash. So bad that I could barely change his diaper without him screaming. I wound up taking him to his pediatrician's the next day because it looked so bad and I was using Desitin, but what if he had something else and the Desitin was making it worse? Turns out it's just diaper rash and I just need to slather the stuff on like no tomorrow. And no more wipes. Instead I pre-cut some paper towels and put them in a wipes box and when he needs changing I get warm water and use paper towels and water. To top it all off?? Tummy issues. So he needs diaper changes almost hourly. Oh it's fun times here people, fun times. Can't just be one or the other, oh no. Gotta be both at once. And can I just say how much I love Desitin? I had stocked up on it before Nathan was even born and I'd used it maybe three times since then. But now, oh baby. I am SMEARING that stuff on Nathan's tush. I love it.

2. Second thought is, when will I learn? And by that I mean, when will I learn not to shop at expensive boutiques? Okay, not really boutiques, but more expensive stores for necessities. What am I talking about? Well I wanted one of those over-the-door shoe holders for my shoes. (I had one years ago - an EXPENSIVE one that actually coordinated with my bedding and then one day I moved and THREW IT OUT - GAH! I could just smack my twenty-something year old self). Well I was looking online at Christmas decorations and was kind of adding things to my online shopping cart so I wouldn't forget what I had found/wanted. I do that all the time. I must have ten Internet shopping carts filled with random items - it's a sickness. Anyway, I found a lovely over-the-door shoe holder for $22.95. Looked just fine. I didn't buy it because there were a few more items I wanted from this particular company and I didn't have the cash yet to get them. Fast forward to this morning. I can't take Nathan anywhere with other children because I didn't want him to spread the sickness, so I decided to head to Wal-Mart. I usually shop Target, but today I headed out to Wal-Mart with a list of items I needed. Once there I was walking the aisles and trying to keep Nathan entertained while also looking for items on my list (CHAMPION multi-tasker if I do say so myself) and I saw an over-the-door shoe thingy. I looked at the price. Ten dollars. TEN DOLLARS!!!! Okay, it wasn't as nice as the one I saw online. That one looked like it was better quality, but that was more than half off the other price. SCORE! I bought it and brought it home and it's working just fine thank you very much. I'm just annoyed that I even THOUGHT of getting such a basic item and paying so much money for it and even MORE annoyed that I HAD ONE years ago and in my twenty-something ignorance decided I didn't need it anymore and threw it out. Sigh. At least I'm KIND OF learning from past mistakes. That should count for something, right?

Visit to the Library

I have a library card again. I haven't been to a library in years - since college really. I kind of just stopped going. But the Wakefield library is just lovely. I've got Nathan signed up in classes that meet once a week and I've been able to read some of the most interesting books. Now I don't have a lot of time to browse at the library. Nathan does NOT sit patiently and wait for me to peruse the shelves looking for specific authors or topics. So if the book is not out on a shelf for me to grab - well I'm not going to get it. I HAVE read some wonderful books though/

Hay Fever by Angela Miller - it's all about a woman who works as a publisher during the week in New York and has a goat farm where she makes cheese on weekends. That's a dull summary - but it's actually really, really interesting. I learned more about cheese, goats, running a business than I ever wanted to know but it was all interesting. Loved it.

American Wasteland: How America Throws Away Nearly Half It's Food (And What We Can Do About It) by Jonathan Bloom - This book was interesting but not as much fun to read. I definitely think Jeff and I should be more conscious of how much we waste. On trash day we have at LEAST 6 garbage bags out at the curb for pick up while my father has one. ONE!!! Our next door neighbor is an adorable elderly woman and she usually has two bags of trash at the most. Clearly Jeff and I are much more wasteful.

Curse of the Kissing Cousins by Toni Kelner - really cute mystery. Very modern and with a cute little twist at the end. Easy read and definitely engaging.

There's more - but I'm really enjoying picking up random books - books where I like cover and just pick it up. Books where I read that say, Alice Cooper enjoyed it, and then check it out to read myself. And I don't feel like I've wasted money because - it's a LIBRARY BOOK! I didn't have to pay anything. They are FREE!!! I did, however, stop checking out books for Nathan since he's still so little and I'm scared to death he'll RIP the library book. He's got plenty of books at home to rip to shreds thank you very much! We'll just wait till he's a tiny bit older before taking out library books for his enjoyment! Head to the library my friends - it's definitely the happening place to be.

Christmas Spirit

Yup, Halloween is over and I'm in the Christmas spirit. Now I realize that it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but I've already started my shopping. And decorating. I'll take some pictures of our living room because I've got some small decorations out. I don't know where we're putting the tree this year, and I feel wrong putting it up before Thanksgiving, so right now it's just a small selection of decorations to kind of tide me over. And in the spirit of the season I've been looking at different charitable organizations to see where I want to give. I just discovered this one:
http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/OCC/

but it looks like such a great idea. You take a little shoebox and select the age group of the child and fill the box with presents. I love it and am a little bummed that I just came across this site because shoeboxes are due by the 22nd. Makes sense, but also means I can't be quite as creative as I like. I've already filled a box with toothbrushes and some soap, now I just need to be on the lookout for some other fun goodies.

My other charity is this one:
http://friends-n-neighbors.org/

They were featured on Dateline and I have a few things I want to get them. They're looking for blankets, coats, first aide supplies - and while I can't send a lot, I can send a few things. So I'm starting a box for them as well.

Mainly I'm just feeling very blessed lately. I am working at two great part-time jobs and am able to make my car payment AND help contribute to other home expenses. I'm really getting the hang of this whole "home with Nathan" thing, and I'm feeling a lot more confident in my mommy ability. I'm also really lucky that I have my father living underneath us. I was nervous that it might not work having him so close (let's face it, it could be BAD with a capital B) but so far it's been great. I know Nathan loves having his Grandpa so close, and I enjoy being able to pop downstairs to say hi and chat and just catch up. Never mind the fact that if I need to do something for say, 5-10 minutes, my father has been willing to come upstairs and look after Nathan. Another big plus? Jeff and I have had TWO date nights. TWO! I KNOW.. crazy. We went out to two lovely dinners and chatted and ate yummy food and enjoyed each others' company. It's been a long, long time since we were able to do that and it's thanks to my father that we could. So 2010 has been a good year for us - now if we can only find someone to buy our old house - well life would be golden!

Car

I need to organize my car. Currently there are all sorts of things in it, things that I probably don't need. Like cheerios. My God the number of Cheerios on the floor of my car. I have enough to feed Nathan for the next week! I also have a bag of dry cleaning. A bag of dry cleaning, I hate to admit, that has been sitting on the floor of my car for like, oh, 6 months? Maybe more? But dry cleaning, things that I most likely won't wear anytime soon? I have other things to spend my money on. So the bag sits in my car. I SHOULD admit defeat and just bring the bag in, but I'm lazy, I mean STUBBORN, yes, I'm stubborn and the bag stays. I also have a shopping cart cover (yes, a little cover that goes OVER the shopping cart where Nathan sits. It's to protect him from all the gross germs on the cart and YES I thought it was stupid too until I had a baby and of course had to rush out and buy it because I am a sucker for marketing), I have a fleece blanket since it's winter and I want to make sure Nathan is warm while the car heats up, and I have a million board books that Nathan looks through when I'm driving. It's such a "mom car". What I really NEED, is the following:
An extra pair of gloves
A shovel
A gallon of water
A bottle of windshield defroster
A roll of paper towels
A bag of salt

You know, because it's winter and I should probably be prepared. Meanwhile, when did it get so blasted cold?? My God.. it's COLD out. I had the heat blasting last night and I still burrowed under the covers like some sort of mole person. Which brings me to my next issue. Jeff and I go through this ALL THE TIME. The "Is Nathan too cold or too hot" question. It's on-going. It's endless. It's season less. Since I am cold, beyond cold, at night, I am CONVINCED that Nathan is cold. He's in his fleece jammies every night now, fleece jammies WITH FEET I might add, and he also has a sherpa like blanket that he kicks off or squirms out of. So like a crazy person I run in in the middle of the night and cover him back up. Doesn't matter, he squirms out of it over the next hour. This makes me insane on a level I can't even describe. How do I know if Nathan is cold?? He doesn't understand how to stay UNDER his blanket... and his little hands are so cold in the morning, I just feel awful. How do I keep my precious angel warm???

November

It's National Novel Writing Month and I've written 529 words since yesterday. According to http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/node I am a wee bit behind, but it's hard to write and entertain a baby all day long. I also work tonight and am working Thursday so writing time has been difficult. I am DETERMINED though to do this. I CAN do this. I will write my novel in one month! If you want to see what I'm talking about, check out the link above - I've never done it before but I'm thinking this is something I might like to do every year. If possible, that is! Hope everyone else is having a wonderful November!

Lameness

I am such a big baby when Jeff goes out at night that I don't sleep. Jeff says it's negative thinking, and that I set myself up for failure, but I call it "realistic". Jeff goes out = no sleep for Katharine. I am also so incredibly lame that I have my father come upstairs and watch as I let Monty out for his final bathroom trip. You know, in case someone tries to run up the stairs of our deck and break in during the 5 minutes Monty circles the yard before rushing back inside like the lumbering beast he is. To make matters worse, my father is so nice he actually said he would sit in my living room WHILE I SLEPT because I was TOO SCARED TO SLEEP ALONE. Now, that is more than a little sweet of my father because - hey? Who else but a PARENT would indulge the insanity of their child in this way? Never mind that I am 36 years old and my DADDY IS TRYING TO HELP ME SLEEP!! I believe I have reached a new low. Instead I like to lie awake and torture myself with horrible, horrible thoughts. But not until now did I realize I had NOT tortured myself with one horrible, terrible, awful thought. That a demon might be waiting around to take possession of my child. And for this nightmare I would like to give a big THANK YOU to "Paranormal Activity 2"




I have not seen the first movie after hearing "you won't sleep" anytime a friend told me about the storyline. After seeing this preview for the second one, I don't think I'll be breaking down any doors to watch it anytime in the near future. Meaning, never in this lifetime. Now when Nathan screams in the middle of the night I'm not thinking "Oh he dropped his pacifier" or "Oh, his diaper leaked and he has wet jammies", instead I am thinking "Holy crap a demon is trying to possess my child - must run to him NOW". It's not like I don't have an active enough imagination as it is.. now I have to worry about demons?? My only real consolation, and I'm a little embarassed to admit this - I can convince my crazy inner self that demons aren't going to harm my child because if they were.... are you ready? Jay and Grant from "Ghost Hunters" would have already found proof of it somewhere. And since I record each episode of "Ghost Hunters", I know that they have never found proof of a possesion. THAT helps me sleep eventually. Jay and Grant from "Ghost Hunters". Oh, and my Daddy!

Disappointment with cooking

This past Saturday Jeff and I had friends over for dinner. Newlywed friends back from a lovely-sounding honeymoon. (Hi Sage and Don!!). In honor of this momentous occasion I busted out some recipes and attempted to make different dishes for then meal. First up was baked sweet potato and homemade cinnamon butter. Well the cinnamon butter was yummy, but I've never baked sweet potatoes in an oven before and they looked - unappetizing. They didn't taste bad, but I think I made the pieces too small because they were really dried out looking when I finally removed them from the oven. However they WERE edible when smothered in cinnamon butter. My second attempt did NOT go as well. I attempted to make the following cake:

Almost Heaven Cake
Ingredients:1 box yellow cake mix20 ounces can crushed pineapple2 cups cold milk1 (4oz.) box instant vanilla pudding mix8 ounces cream cheese, softened12 ounces Cool Whip
Directions:
Prepare and bake cake mix according to package directions for 9 x 13 dish. When done, pierce cake with fork. Pour pineapple with juice over cake. Combine milk and pudding mix in bowl. After beating well, blend in cream cheese. Spread over pineapple. Top with Cool Whip. Can garnish with chopped pecans or coconut.

Sounds yummy, right? Well I started the cake late... and as I put the ingredients together for the final steps I missed the key ingredient. Instant vanilla pudding. Instant. I used regular vanilla pudding mix and I think that was an important distinction. Too much pineapple juice, too much milk, nothing solidified. It was one big yellow cake and pineapple mess. Our guests gamely tried a small bite, but trust me. The cake was bad. It looked like it had already been eaten. YUCK! I wound up throwing it out and I was very annoyed with myself. I had picked this particular recipe solely because I had the majority of the ingredients on hand. I was sooo proud of myself for being budget conscious AND creative! Sigh. It was not to be. Better luck next time I suppose!

Things that make me happy

I do a lot of complaining via my blog. Most of it is tongue in cheek, some of it is true venting, but not a lot of "things that make me happy". In the interest of showing the little things that make me in explicitly happy, this post shows just a few of them!

First up, decorations. I've mentioned before how I LOVE holidays. I really love holidays. If I had an unlimited budget my front yard would look like the spirit of Halloween just threw up all over it. Sadly, I do NOT have an unlimited budget and I have to make do with some small decorations picked up at Target. These decorations are not big, but they make me happy. They make my living room feel "fresh" and they make me smile when I see them.

My mantel has a few candles and pumpkin decorations.

I am also a sucker for decorative pillows. I would love, love, love to get a new sofa. Our current sofa is supposed to be one piece, but we broke it up into two to get it to fit the new room better. It's not a BAD sofa. Just not particular comfortable. And the two smaller pieces make it near impossible for Jeff and I to sit next to each other. But check out my Halloween pillows? How cool are they? These new pillows make my sofa look "kind of" new, and I love them.

Poor Monty is not having a good year. But during nap time I tend to pick up the clutter of toys that Nathan and I have scattered throughout the living room, and I let Monty have free reign of the house. He enjoys the attention and freedom, and how cute is he napping in the sun?

AND.. I have started cooking. I made some lovely banana/oat/chocolate chip cookies. No added sugar - and they were yummy if a bit odd looking.

But just the fact that I found a recipe and got the ingredients and MADE them and they were edible made me deliriously happy!

So there you have it - small things that make me happy!

New for a new style

I need a haircut. I don't know why I'm even bothering to look at pictures of styles since I never really GET that style when I go in to the hairdresser. I haven't had my OWN hairdresser since I went to a woman named Bianca who was FABULOUS and left suddenly with no trail. That was three years ago. Three years. I've tried a few other places, but I am so, so, so tired of just pulling my hair into an elastic. It's all I do now. I'd like some shape. I'd like some style. I'd like to look less mom-like and maybe a little bit like I CARE! I DO care. I really do. I just have NEVER been good with my hair. Well, not since the 80's when I sprayed my hair within an inch of its life. But at least I had a STYLE. I'm not saying it was a GOOD style.. but it was a style and I was fanatical in my devotion to the hairspray gods. For example, I hated aerosol hairspray. I wanted the spray pump hairspray because THAT hairspray made my hair all stiff and crinkly. It had STAYING POWER! I was particularly partial to the White Rain brand of hairspray. A spray that I believe is long gone nowadays.

Where was I? Oh yes, the eternal hunt for a style. Now that I've started taking care of my make-up and my skin - it's time for the hair. Now, as a stay at home mommy I pretty much live in tee shirts and yoga pants, and I'm fine with that. But I'd like to look KIND OF pulled together and I think having some sort of hairstyle would help. I know it can be done. I see moms all the time who have NICE HAIR. Hair that has been blown dry and combed out and looks GOOD. I want that.

So here are two ideas, any suggestions? And if you have any suggestions about a good hairdresser - I'd like that as well!

Pictures can lie

Don't these pictures look adorable? Aren't they sweet? Well let me tell you, our day at the pumpkin patch was NOT sweet! It was not like in the movies, and it was definitely a day where the definition of "marriage" was put to the test! Meaning we had to define marriage as "Not leaving your significant other and child as you went running off into the hills screaming" and instead define it as "laughing hysterically about how bad our day actually was".

Marriage has many definitions, and here are a few I came up with on that ever-reliable site called Google.

Marriage
the state of being a married couple voluntarily joined for life (or until divorce); "a long and happy marriage"; "God bless this union"
two people who are married to each other; "his second marriage was happier than the first"; "a married couple without love"
the act of marrying; the nuptial ceremony; "their marriage was conducted in the chapel"
a close and intimate union; "the marriage of music and dance"; "a marriage of ideas"

Personally I think marriage is the ability to laugh hysterically with your husband after having an epic fail of a day with your 15 month old at the pumpkin farm. After only an hour of a wanna-be toddler who was a shining example of why birth control was ever invented we were driving home and fantasizing about how being left in the worst areas in the world were preferable to going BACK to said pumpkin farm as long as we were, alone. Blissfully alone. Wonderfully alone. Ahhh.. to be alone. Peace. Sweet peace.

Top spots to be left alone:
Wal Mart parking lot
Wal Mart parking lot, in the car, with the windows rolled up, in the summer
McDonald's playland
The scary, closed down gas station
Alaska
Antarctica
The Middle of Nowhere

Jeff and I were having a grand old time as Nathan munched happily on his cheerios in the backseat. Which can I tell you how annoying it is that as soon as he got in his car seat and strapped in and was given his snack cup of cheerios he was perfectly happy? And don't tell me we should have given him cheerios earlier - because we tried. We tried bribing him with cheerios, with ice cream, with a hayride, with visits to see the animals in the petting zoo and he STILL acted like some sort of demon spawn.

I had been under a delusion all day that we would frolic around the pumpkin patch taking adorable pictures of our son. You know, like in every Kodak commerical I have ever seen on television? I had even dressed Nathan in an EXTREMELY cute outfit just because I wanted the BEST PICTURES POSSIBLE! I thought we would ride the hayride and giggle and laugh like the wonderful family I know we are. It was not to be. So to me, marriage is having moments like these and still being able to go home and further humiliate yourself by putting on a bathing suit and get into a bubble bath while you try and give your treasured child a bath. Because oh yes, I did that to. Where's my award?

Bathtime

Nathan is going to be dirty for a few days. Dirty, dirty. We're trying to break his fear of the bath - a fear that is SO STRONG that as soon as he HEARS the water running in the tub he starts to cry. Tonight Jeff totally took one for the team. He got in the bathtub in his swimming trunks and we filled the bath with toys and bubbles. Next I brought a screaming Nathan into the bathroom and we sat next to the tub and he sat on my lap. When he calmed down we let him play with the toys, and Jeff did REALLY OVER THE TOP motions of playing with the tubby toys, letting the water splash, playing with bubbles. The funniest part? He left his shirt on in the tub. I asked him if he wanted to take it off and he said "Whatever" and just got right in. I had to fight not to giggle. Nathan DID appear to calm down and start to giggle and laugh. We kind of sponge bathed him during this time as he played with the toys and bubbles. However, if I put Nathan down NEXT TO the tub, crying would immediately start. I'm not sure just what he's so afraid of, he's never really had a bad experience in the bath (I mean, the kid has a million toys and it's all warm water and bubbles - how bad is that?? I could stay in a bubble bath for hours - and have done so on multiple occasions!), but clearly he's afraid. Tomorrow night it's going to be my turn to take one for the team and put on the bathing suit and splash around in the tub. We're hoping we'll break him of this fear and eventually bath time will be fun time around here! Fingers crossed!

Oops! Sorry for the lack of posts!

Sorry for the lack of posts everyone - I'd been waiting for inspiration to strike so I could write something insanely funny and entertaining - it never happened.

To make up for my laziness.. here's a bunch of little posts!
1. I have been cooking!!! Take a quick look outside, pigs are NOT flying! I actually looked at a recipe, got the ingredients, PLANNED AHEAD, and MADE THE MEAL!
I made two very similar recipes. Salsa chicken and salsa chicken casserole. Salsa chicken is super easy, and the casserole was a little more time consuming. Both were good, though Jeff and I both agreed that the salsa chicken was the tastier of the two meals.

2. I'm getting into the groove of being home. I have space in our new house, it's an open floor plan and I love that I can actually do something like, laundry, and not have to go out the front door, down to the back of the house, open the basement door and into the basement to do laundry. Now I just go downstairs into my father's part of our house and plunk in some laundry. Not having to carry laundry outside in the rain or snow or wind is BLISS!!!

3. Monty hates us and is most likely plotting to have us all taken out. Because Nathan LOVES Monty and one of his favorite words now is "puppy", he will chase Monty if given the opportunity. In an effort to prevent something BAD happening, I have to gate Monty down by our bedrooms during the day. Now, Monty has his own dog bed, toys, food and water. But he HATES this and will whine constantly throughout the day at the unfairness of his life. I figure this is the best solution though until Nathan is big enough to understand that Monty is NOT just a big stuffed animal walking around for his amusement and needs to treat him GENTLY.

4. Spencer's Gifts. Jeff and I were walking the mall with Nathan, kind of browsing and we went into Spencer's Gifts on a whim. I am firmly of the mind that nobody actually BUYS anything in there. It's all just some elaborate ploy to make me shudder and think old lady thoughts like "The youth today are AWFUL" or "Turn down that music" or "Why aren't you in school"? There were actually maternity shirts that said - "I'm not fat. I'm knocked up". Classy. Real classy. I cannot BELIEVE I didn't know about these shirts when I was pregnant. At one point in the store Jeff and I saw an "Carmen Electra Stripper Pole" for sale. A STRIPPER POLE! In a store that was primarily for teenagers. Now, it was bad enough that this store sold MATERNITY SHIRTS when what they really needed to sell was a Depo shot that automatically just stabbed girls as they walked in, but a stripper pole? Jeff and I looked at each other, started to say something snarky about it, and then noticed that a 16 year old girl was having an in-depth discussion on how to install the pole in her room and RIGHT NEXT TO THIS GIRL WAS HER MOTHER AND INFANT DAUGHTER IN A CARRIAGE. So many things wrong there, so many things. I'm no prude but at 16 I would rather have stabbed my eyes out with a pencil then talked to my mother about sex - never mind STRIPPER POLES IN MY BEDROOM! Or coming home and annoucing I was pregnant. Nope, that would NOT have gone over well in my house. NOT AT ALL! Nathan and I had a long talk about how a girl with a stripper pole in her room is NOT a girl he should be dating. Or talking to. Or looking at.

And in case you want to take a look at the pole, here's the link. You're welcome.
http://www.electrapole.com/

And here's the shirt from Spencer's, just so you can get the full effect of the awfulness.

Big Decision

What to be for Halloween.... so many choices....
How about:

Slutty Big Bird? Too subtle? Not enough skin?

How about:

Slutty Mrs. Potato Head? Too many accessories? Maybe a little too hokey and not serious enough about the slut factor?
How about?

YES! It's Slutty Finding Nemo!!!! SCORE! I can dress Nathan up as Marlin and we'd be the most adorable mommy and baby costumes on the block! I cannot WAIT for Halloween!

Update

So apparently the "Sister Wives" crew was on the Today show and they were asked how they deal with jealousy.

The wives were also asked what they do when they feel jealous. "You get over yourself," one laughed. Then Cody said "usually I'm the brunt of the jealousy." Well, duh.

I am sorry, but I am NOT going to GET OVER the fact that the man I married, the man I have a child with, the man I LOVE is doing the nasty with SOMEONE ELSE. Oh no, I do NOT think I am going to GET OVER that. Nope. Not happening. I also found it interesting that the wives all said that bringing another man into the picture isn't something they would consider. So the promo talks about how edgy and loving this family is but we can't bring another GUY into our big happy family. Oh no. Only ONE guy. Because if there was another MAN in the picture maybe our Cody husband would have to deal with all the things his wives are dealing with. Like JEALOUSY.

Bah. And bah again "Sister Wives" and Cody the husband. I hope one of your wives goes out and has a torrid, torrid affair with some smoking hot young man and leaves your butt in the dust.

living under a rock

I was watching television for a little while today and saw a short preview for a new reality show on TLC called "Sister Wives". It was like a 30 second clip and you can get a general idea here:
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20420535,00.html

Now, I'm fairly liberal and like to think I'm not judgemental but I watched the preview and I could only think "really TLC? REALLY"? Now, the idea of having "sister wives" is actually pretty appealing to me. How cool would it be to say to my fellow wife "Hey, can you watch the kids while I go do.... " and fill in the blank with anything from the gym to a visit to the day spa. Or to have help cooking? I mean, cooking is a CHORE for me, and feeding Nathan is a big ol' chore.. so how cool would it be to have my "sister wife" do that for me? I get the feeling though, that this dynamic does not work in the lovely way I am thinking. And I do have a couple of questions.
1. How much money does this guy make? He's got QUITE the number of children and wives to support, and I don't know if the wives work outside the house, but that's a lot of mouths to feed. And clothes to buy. School supplies. College educations to provide for. Heck, that's a lot toilet paper to purchase! If one or all of the wives work to help finance the household - who watches the kids? Do they pay for childcare? Does one of the wives get stuck with most of the child/household chores? And if so, boy do I feel bad for her. I remember Nathan had like FOUR poopy diapers in an hour time span, and let me tell you - if I didn't love him more than life, that would have sucked. It sucked anyway.. but I can't imagine doing that all day long for children who are not my own.
2. Who ARE these women? While I appreciate these women are not teenagers, and that he's not marrying 16 year old girls, at the same time I just don't know why this particular arrangement is appealing. Marriage is hard enough as it is, I can't imagine SHARING marriage with like 3 other people. Ugh. You've got to all agree on discipline, nutrition, how to divide up chores, the list goes on and on. I won't even TOUCH on the whole someone else sleeping with my husband thing because that idea is so repellent to me I'm not even going to pretend to understand. But.. what if one of your "sister wives" wanted tips in the bedroom?? Can we say... awkward?
3. Let's get back to discipline. I would NOT be okay with a "sister wife" disciplining my child. Or what if you were the wife who had to work outside the home and your child was closer to your sister wife because THAT wife was home with them all day. Jealousy would be a HUGE issue for me.

Maybe I'm not evolved enough as a person to get past the whole jealousy thing. Maybe I'm not open-minded enough, but I will not be watching "Sister Wives" this season!

Love for Books

Jeff has a kindle. My mother is dying to buy me a kindle. I've been told that books will soon be things of the past. That electronic readers like the kindle will be all around. Jeff LOVES his kindle. He reads more with it, he went on and on and on and on about how wonderful it is. How you can change font size and bookmark pages and really I kind of only half paid attention because I still don't want a kindle.

I did, recently, TRY the kindle. Jeff downloaded "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" for me. I was going to my first book club and hadn't had a chance to actually go buy the book at a bookstore - so Jeff got it. Last night I used the kindle to read the book. Now the book, I loved it. It did, however, take me a little while to get into it because of whole reading on the screen thing - I don't know, I think I missed the whole having a layout of a physical book. Since the story is told in a series of letters from different people, and it took a while to follow along electronically. In a physical book, I'd be able to kind of glance over pages to get used to it, and while I could go back and forth with ease with the kindle, I still missed having a book.

I love books for various reasons, and I never quite knew how attached I was to having a PHYSICAL book until I used the kindle. My favorite books are completely wrecked. The spine is bent. The pages are bent down. Sometimes they are wavy because I've taken them into a bath where with hot water and bubbles I indulge myself in my two favorite pastimes. Long, hot bubble baths, and books. My favorite books have been read and re-read. I tend to read really quickly. The more I like a book, the faster I read. So re-reading will sometimes let me pick up things I hadn't noticed before. If I'm re-reading Agatha Christie for example, I already know the ending of the mystery and I like to go back and see if I can spot things that were clues that I hadn't seen previously. I like to see how the plot points were laid out ahead of time, waiting for me to puzzle them together. It's always fun. Fannie Flag for example will carry her characters over from book to book and I like seeing how a minor character in one book, becomes the main player in another. I like holding the books and randomly picking a page and starting to read. I like browsing my shelves and seeing what I'm in the mood for. I enjoy going to bookstores and looking at colorful covers, reading backs and pages, sometimes I discover a new author I had never previously considered. I like looking at staff favorites for the same reason. I love physical books so much I am sorely tempted to buy a REAL copy of "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" even though I own it in an electronic version.

There is one thing, if having a kindle gets more people to read, more people to explore different authors, different subjects - well I'm all for it. But for now I think I'll stick to actually owning the book!

Weekend

Oh what a weekend. What a weekend it was. I worked my part-time gig on Saturday and realized how nice it was to get out and make a little money for the family. I also had lots of anxiety the night before. Kind of that "back to school anxiety". I don't know WHY I get nervous before work, but I do. Maybe I won't remember everything? Maybe they won't like me? All sorts of worries run through my head. But I went, I chatted, my co-worker was lovely and sweet and basically the time really flew - which is always nice. I came home and it was immediate mom mode. Nathan woke up pretty much as soon as I walked in the door and it was time for lunch and everything that goes with lunch. It's figuring out what to make, making it, cutting it into tiny pieces and then FEEDING NATHAN which takes FOREVER. After lunch it was the mad dash to the toy store because of COURSE we didn't have the required birthday present for the birthday party we were going to. Scramble in the store for cute and age appropriate gift, next to the Hallmark store for gift bag, tissue paper and card, and THEN a crazy drive TO the party where Nathan and Jeff had a lovely time in the bouncy house that was set up while I sat and chatted with people. Nathan did have a minor meltdown towards the end (for some reason he gets constipated REALLY easy and I guess he was having one of those moments). Off to home after a quick piece of cake and it was time to give Nathan a bath.

Deep breath. Nathan does NOT like the bath. He wants to stand, he doesn't want his hair washed. basically giving Nathan a bath is a two person deal and it requires lots of patience. He's fine the first 5 minutes or so, but as soon as it's hair washing time, well, meltdown takes place. Saturday it was no different. Nathan had a meltdown. He was trying to stand and Jeff was holding him kind of under his arms, and Jeff had one foot in the tub (Nathan bathes in a Eurotub - plastic tub that fits IN our tub). Well as Nathan stood he made an oh so familiar grunting noise. Before we could blink, Nathan pooped. He pooped in the tub and that's where it became chaotic. Jeff is trying to lift a slippery Nathan out of the poopy tub, and I'm trying to empty the tub of poopy water so I can grab Nathan and DISASTER. I dumped the tub, poopy contents and all, all over Jeff's foot. His sock and sneaker clad foot. Jeff let out a ROAR of protest and I practically threw the now-empty tub across the bathroom as I scooped up the now hysterical Nathan. I don't know HOW Jeff managed to get his foot out of his now-toxic sock and sneaker.. but we put them on the deck to deal with later. As Nathan and Jeff rocked in front of "Wonder Pets" I SCRUBBED the tub. I bleached the tiny Eurotub and I bleached our tub. Repeatedly. I scrubbed and scrubbed. The bad thing? Nathan still needed a bath. Well our new bath has a shower head that can be adjusted, so we pulled it out and gave Nathan his very first shower. A shower that went pretty well and we were even able to wash his hair. The rest of the night was a blur. There were jammies and dinner and bedtime, there were hot showers for me where I attempted to cleanse myself of the picture of poop in the bath, and I was passed out in bed by 9:30pm. It had been a long, long day.

Sunday was a little better. We got some laundry done, some unpacking done, and some stuff put up in the attic. It was non-stop from the moment we woke up until the moment Nathan went to bed, but we felt very accomplished. I switched out some summer clothes for fall clothes, took inventory on what we need for Nathan this fall/winter, and I even mopped some floors. And because there was no repeat of poop in the tub - well let's just call it the best Sunday EVER!!!

get thee behind me Pottery Barn for Kids

I blame my friend Lisa for taking me to Pottery Barn Kids last night. I saw SO MUCH STUFF I want for Nathan. Right now, I want Curious George sheets and bedding:

And I want a little chair for his room where he can sit and read books. Something like this in chocolate brown:

Soooo cute! Never mind all the room decorations and toys and books and mobiles that they have. I'm telling you, this living within your means sucks. It sucks a LOT!

Dinner

Dinner tonight:

and

Struggle

Why oh why is it SO HARD not to give in to temptation? I mean, I KNOW that opening a credit card is a no. I KNOW that if I have a credit card, ANY CREDIT CARD, in my hot little hands that it's a recipe for disaster. Yet I STILL find myself tempted. Tempted to get a credit card. Let me explain. I was in Macy's with my mother last week and I was SORELY tempted to open a Macy's card. I was saying in my head "I need new bedding. I need some new clothes. I need some new towels. I need, I need, I need". And the list just went on and on. I had it all justified in my head on to whyI NEEDED THIS MACY'S CARD! But I didn't do it. Didn't open a new card. I soooo wanted to. I mean.. right now our bedroom is like a maroon color and with our new Queen sized mattress and our sheets are.... turqoise. Cheap sheets from Target I grabbed on sale right after we got the new mattress. It clashes. And I dream fondly of expensive and soft linens. Deep colors and bright patterns and textures. But it's not in the budget right now. And sadly, I know deep in my heart, that getting a credit card will only mean that I go completely and utterly CRAZY in Macy's. First it would be linens. Next would be some new clothes for me. And then... be still my heart.. we would go to shoes. If I'm feeling REALLY FRISKY I would look for a new diaper bag. And then, it would be off to the baby section. There I would lose every ounce of sense I have and Nathan would be getting a wardrobe for the next 10 years. He'd also get a down blanket and comforter because my BABY DESERVES TO BE TOASTY WARM THIS WINTER! He'd get some new toys. Some new shoes. Oh I am fantasizing already.

Be strong, be strong, be strong. Remember, as Oscar Wilde once said "I can resist anything except temptation".

Path to Happiness

So I was reading on Woman's Day magazine site that starting a collection can be a way to celebrate happiness. It talks about how one woman spends about $20 each time she goes to flea markets or craft fairs getting snow globes - something she collects. She loves the hunt, and getting new globes. I used to collect anything and everything shark. It got a little out of control and I didn't LOVE the pieces I got. Right now I have one ceramic shark wall hanging, and a huge stuffed shark that Nathan has taken over. So no collections right now. I was thinking though, that this is an idea I might be able to get on board with. I'm still in a mess of unpacking boxes and trying to find things for the house, but there is ONE THING I am very excited about. Holidays. I love, love, love holidays. Growing up my family wasn't really into holidays - we have a small family and we never really OUT THERE on holidays. But I LOVE holidays. I want decorations, I want glitter, I want gaudy and tacky blow up ornaments for outside the house. Do I need to add that my husband and father are HORRIFIED by the ideas that I have? But why would they be? What's wrong with this?

People, it's WITCHES AROUND A CAULDRON! They are BLOW UP WITCHES! And they are ANIMATED! I mean... ANIMATED PEOPLE! Never mind that as an English major these witches can be traced back to Macbeth:

Double, double toil and trouble

Fire burn, and cauldron bubble

What could be bad about this on our front lawn? And maybe some light up pumpkins? A few solar skulls?? Jeff thinks our neighbors will hate us, but I love the idea of really decorating the lawn. How fun would this be for Nathan?? Don't even talk to me about what I want to do for Christmas.. that's a whole other can of worms! But lawn decorations for holidays definitely make me happy - so let's see what's in the budget for this year!

BIRTHDAY!

It's my birthday, it's my birthday, it's my birthday! As a special "Happy Birthday Mama", Nathan slept till 7:30am. Since Nathan has been toying with switching his morning time to the ungodly 5:30am, sleeping till 7:30am is like a dream! I also did a little bit of shopping with my mother last night - she treated me to new sneakers that cost an arm and a leg from Ecco at the mall, and of course a little outfit for Nathan from Baby Gap. Because really, no shopping trip is complete until Nathan has gotten something as well.

Since Jeff and I moved this past Friday we've been unpacking pretty slowly. It's so hard to unpack with Nathan crawling around. He's like a barnacle and if I leave the room or, heaven forbid, use the baby gate to keep him in his new playroom - tears and screams and runny noses abound. So it's one box at a time, and also trips to Target for things like garbage bags and toothbrushes and tons crap that we somehow desperately NEED! Of course we still need to sell our old house so weekends are going to be mostly Jeff doing painting, weeding, and a whole bunch of other chores to make our former home prettier. Fingers crossed!!

Back to my birthday - a new house has been a pretty wonderful present and I'm excited to make this place more a home for us. I'll try and take pictures this weekend and post them!

My Little Boy

Nathan had his first real haircut about a week ago. At 13 months old he had had his hair trimmed previously, but not a cut. Not a hair style. He still looked like my precious baby. Well, Jeff finally snapped and told me that Nathan was getting a baby mullet and we determined it was time for a real cut. Not just a "trim the hair out of his eyes". A cut.

We took him to Snip-It's in Burlington and the hair stylist was AMAZING. And I say that because Nathan was AWFUL. Now this place is sooo kid oriented. They had little televisions at each station playing cartoons, they had bubbles, they had EVERYTHING! Nathan was still awful. As soon as he sat in the chair and the drape was put around him, he cried. He cried and cried and cried and swatted the hair stylists hand AWAY from him.. the hand that held SCISSORS by the way. Bless her heart, but she was still able to give him the cu test little cut. We'll definitely be going back because Nathan looks ADORABLE.

But at the same time, he looks like a LITTLE BOY. And yes I realize he IS a little boy- he doesn't look like my BABY anymore. It's soooo sad and I'll get ready to post pictures soon so we can all mourn together the idea that my precious angel is... sigh... growing up!

Lack of Sleep, Moving Boxes everywhere and general cranky attitude

I feel like I am turning into a bitch. Jeff and I (and Nathan and Monty) are moving this up-coming Friday. I'm so excited on one hand, but on the other hand, I am completely overwhelmed and cranky. Our house is tiny. It's tiny and now has BOXES STACKED EVERYWHERE! There are boxes stacked next to the sofa, under the stairs, near our breakfast bar. Boxes are taking up precious inches of space and making this house feel EVEN SMALLER. I am stressed about being READY for the move so I don't sleep. I don't sleep and as a result I am cranky. In fact, I have crossed the line from cranky and gone into full force bitch mode. The only person immune to my bitch mood is Nathan. Let's face it, Nathan can do nothing wrong and even when he's being a terror, I STILL smother him in kisses. But Jeff and Monty? They don't fare as well. Jeff gets snippy answers. Snippy, short answers. Sometimes punctuated with comments about how tired I am thrown in for good measure. Because I want Jeff to SUFFER WITH ME! And poor Monty. Monty gets yelled at. The poor dog has space the size of a postage stamp, and in his defensive there is NOWHERE in the house he can go without being in the way. So it's non-stop "Monty - move" or "Scoot" or "I'm putting Monty outside for the next hour because I cannot deal anymore". Do I need to add that Monty HATES being outside and spends the entire time at the gate waiting to come back in?? It makes me feel soooo guilty, but I have no choice. This is my SANITY we're talking about.

Now this week Nathan has been really, really good with naps. He takes a morning nap around 9:30am and sleeps till like 11:30am. Sometimes he takes an afternoon nap, sometimes he doesn't. Today, however, taking a nap went bye bye. I put Nathan down at 10am. He was EXHAUSTED. For some reason though, maybe because Nathan was like a shark smelling blood in the water and knew that I had only gotten about three hours of sleep, Nathan was NOT napping. We changed his diaper three times. I went up and brought him his pacifier more times than I can recall. I cuddled and kissed him. I got him all snuggly and comfy in his crib and he DID NOT NAP. In fact, he didn't nap until 12pm. It was 2 hours of whining and crying and fussing and Jeff and I arguing about the need to nap. It was NOT pretty. Though our arguing this time did not reach the fevered pitch it could have because we were TOO TIRED TO EFFECTIVELY ARGUE WITH EACH OTHER. We had no energy to fight. Well, I did manage to bitch that I would rather gouge out my eyeballs than watch a wrestling show on television thus sending Jeff into another room as I watched the lovely and always-soothing QVC. But honestly, that's polite for us when we're ready to have at it.

Meanwhile it's now 11:16pm on a Saturday night and guess what? I can't sleep. It's gonna be another long, long night!

Dinner Theatre

I perform dinner theatre. Yup, untalented me now spends her days dancing and singing and doing just about ANYTHING to keep Nathan both in his highchair AND eating the food I give him. Right now he's starting doing delightful things such as saying "No" and pushing my hand or spoon or sippy cup away. He also LOVES the fact that by throwing food on the floor that Monty will come running. Need I add that Monty is FINALLY excited to have Nathan around? I mean, he gets PEOPLE FOOD NOW! Monty is BEYOND thrilled.. as soon as the highchair comes out Monty is underneath it, drooling, anxious and READY! Now to keep Nathan happy when I'm feeding him is a trial. I'm constantly trying to entertain him, and/or determine if he's saying "NO" because he is done with eating, or "NO" because he just likes to push my hand away and make a mess. So here's what I do:

1. Turn on the music. ANY music! I'm particularly fond of Lazytown and The Fresh Beat Band. Okay, fond is stretching it, but I can only listen to kiddie music for so long so I always need to mix it up a bit.
2. Dance around the highchair. To get the full visual you need to picture me in my standard uniform of yoga pants, pink tank tops, and bare feet that are in desperate need of a pedicure. I could have make-up on, or maybe not. But to keep Nathan entertained I am not above shaking what my mama gave me.
3. Finger food. When I hear "No" - usually what that means is Nathan is tired of me spoon feeding him and he wants to feed himself. So finger food is quickly cut up and put on the tray so Nathan can feed himself, or feed Monty. Really the choice is no longer mine.
4. Sippy cup. In between giving him bites of food off a spoon, I also throw down any distraction I can find. His own spoon, the measuring spoons, bits of waffle, his sippy cup. It all gets tossed down at regular intervals in the hopes I have given him what he wanted.
5. I let Nathan feed me. Jeff just saw this tonight and he thinks it's "disgusting", but it keeps Nathan happy so I do it. Towards the end of the meal I put my face close to his and he gets all smiley and I say "Is that for Mama"? Nathan than grabs whatever happens to be on his tray and shoves it in my face. I let him put it in my mouth and I saw "YUMMY" and make exaggerated chewing motions. The bad thing about this? Nathan's hands START OUT clean, but with the grabbing of food, feeding himself - let's just say it's not a pretty picture. But it keeps him happy and I am so far gone I just don't care that he's putting his grubby hands in my mouth.

I can only pray that nobody SEES the lengths that I go through to get Nathan to eat. But since Nathan STILL prefers to be carried in my arms instead of in his stroller, I have a feeling I'm setting myself up for about 10 years of ongoing mealtime performances. I'll be like the "Cats" of baby entertaining!

Attempt to modify my attitude

I'm a deeply sarcastic person by nature. I love metal music - the angrier and the more angsty the better. I also love scary movies. Now that I have Nathan I've become aware of the fact that I am responsible for shaping his personality. I know some of his personality will be "nature", but some will be "nurture". I'd like the "nurture" aspect of his personality to be positive. I want him to be happy and confident and self-aware. I want him to be a good person, a kind person, someone who helps people yet has the inner strength to stand up for himself. I want him to be a better version of me. So I found this site about Happy Things and here's a list of things they gave to be happy about:
blue M & M's
crunchy bell peppers
greater self-awareness
the trivium of grammar, logic, and rhetoric - and the quadruvium of geometry, arithmetic, astronomy, and music; the seven liberal arts
Picasso paintings in Barcelona
about one-ninth of any iceberg appears above the water's surface
sun too bright to look at
giant cabbages
blenders
a real general store
self-adhesive stamps
wooden-pegged paneling and ships' nails
helping an old lady cross the street
gangs of crows

It's an interesting list because most of the things that I see on here I've never really given much thought to. I know today I was happy for quite a few reasons:
I actually went OUT on a Friday night. Like OUT out. WITH A FRIEND! We watched two movies (Toy Story 3 and The Expendables - both were excellent in their own different ways), and I ate M & M's and we later went to a local bar where I had the most delicious green apple martini and felt delightfully tipsy afterwards.
Jeff and I didn't fight this weekend - Can I get a WOOT WOOT for this one???
Prune juice is like the nectar of the gods when dealing with a constipated baby. It was like his whole system just cleaned RIGHT OUT! And while being happy about a poopy diaper seems kind of silly - well it beats the alternative of having your child scream and cry because he CANNOT POOP!
My mother in law brought over food this morning so Jeff and I have bagels and bulky rolls and chicken salad and seafood salad and deli meats and cheeses for the next few day. YUM!
Nathan got his first haircut at Snip It's in Burlington and the woman who cut his hair was AMAZING. Nathan cried and cried the ENTIRE TIME and she gave him the most adorable cut and she didn't slice off a finger in the process. A small miracle considering he kept trying to push her hand away.

I've also found that because I now primarily listen to children's music during the day, I've gotten a little more upbeat. I actually really like the following song:

Play Time with Nathan

Starting to get the hang of the whole "stay at home" thing with Nathan. We have playtime and feeding time, and SOMETIMES there is even..... wait for it.. NAP TIME!!! Oh how I love nap time! Anyway, every single day I feel like Nathan is doing something different, learning, or surprising me with what he can do. Lately, he's obsessed with books. He'll pick out a book and drag it over to me and kind of, well, THROW it at me! I'll say "Do you want me to read your book" and he'll smile and I'll pull him onto my lap and we'll read together. Okay, I'll TRY to read. Nathan has not yet mastered the whole idea of waiting for me to finish reading what is on the page before TURNING the page! And he goes back and forth. Right now tough, he's OBSESSED with a version of "Pat the Bunny" called "Bunny and Friends". Basically Paul and Judy, along with their new friends Gordon and Kay, are looking for bunny and they see a lot of other animals on the farm first. Honestly, I had no idea there even WAS a sequel to "Pat the Bunny" and secretly think it's kind of a lame book - but Nathan LOVES it. He pulls it out of the book shelf to bring to me so I read it. Over and over and over again. And again. And again. I know repetition is good for kids, but my oh my. I keep trying to switch it out for another book, and sometimes I can convince him that "Go Dog Go" is a better choice, but not always.

It is super cute though. Especially when he's sitting on my lap all excited and he stops every now and then and looks back at me. Making sure I'm still there, maybe? But it's adorable when he does it and it absolutely melts me heart.

We are however, VERY excited to move. Baby jail is NOT working for Nathan anymore. And we can't use our exersaucer either since he's figured out how to escape. You have to be with him ALL THE TIME or he does some sort of houdini manuever and when a 13 month old is "exploring", well, that's not a good thing.

Countdown to moving? 16 days!

Knees

My poor, poor knees. I finished Day 9 of the running program and the whole time my knees ached. From start to finish. What the heck can I do about knee pain?? I know losing weight helps with knee pain, but heck, how can I lose weight when I can't jog without knee pain??? Ugh... oh, and I'd like to add that I effing GAINED weight. Yes, I've GAINED weight while doing my jogging program. It's just unfair people. Really, really unfair. Bah!!!

Rage

I'm late on this bandwagon but it really, really upsets me. Apparently supermodel Giselle has issued the following verdict:

“Some people here (in the US) think they don’t have to breastfeed, and I think ‘Are you going to give chemical food to your child when they are so little?’ I think there should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months.”

Words cannot express how much this angers me. I adore my baby, my son, really my reason for getting out of bed in the morning more than I can ever express. I breastfed Nathan for approximately 3 weeks. It was 3 long, long weeks. I didn't have a problem with latching or milk production, my problem was that Nathan was using me as a pacifier. When I tell you that for 3 weeks I slept for maybe an hour at a time as I sat on the sofa switching Nathan from on breast to the other, I am not lying. I was exhausted. I was beyond exhausted. Me, a die hard insomniac who has gone to work and STAYED AWAKE at her job after only 20 minutes of sleep the night before, was losing her mind. Nathan is a formula fed baby and I still feel guilty about it. Really guilty. Like bad mommy guilt. While on one hand, I know that I made the best decision for me, the other hand is over there just wringing away with guilt. I WISH I could have breast fed Nathan for longer. I WANTED to breast feed Nathan for longer. I couldn't do it. And while I applaud all the mommies out there who are able to do it, I do NOT need some supermodel bitch telling me how awful I am as a parent. And I want to know about the women who cannot breast feed? I have dear friends who tried and tried and just couldn't do it. They are AMAZING mommies. So there should be a LAW that would force them to breastfeed when they physically cannot?? GAH! The whole thing just angers me and once again I wonder why I live in a culture where just because someone is physically attractive that we feel that what they have to say is TRUE and IMPORTANT when in reality they are spewing NONSENSE. GAH! And GAH again!

Thoughts and Randomness

I've got a lot on my mind lately and none of it really flows, so here it goes!
1.
I'm on Day 7 of my running program. This week is week 2, even though it's week 3. Does that make sense? Well I did the week 1 running program for 2 weeks, and now I'm doing the week 2 running program. It's as follows:
Brisk five-minute warmup walk.
Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

I forced my lazy self off the sofa tonight and oh my God. It was HARD. My legs felt like cement for most of the time, and it was very difficult. I did it. I'm proud of myself for doing it - but whew. It's not easier. I'm hoping by the time I get to September that I'm actually not struggling as much.

2.
I'm once again dreaming of new bedding. I've been perusing The Company Store catalogues like a crack addict jonesing for her next fix. Lovely words like "down", "plush", "luxury" and "sensual" are calling to me from the pages. I've also discovered that The Company Store puts out some lovely children's items. Bedding, room decorations, hooded towels. I want it all. I've marked up their catalogue with a lovely black sharpie pen and in my pretend online shopping cart I've got about $500 worth of stuff that I want to get for Nathan all picked out. Once again, this is the reason why I should never own a credit card. Ever. Because all that stuff? It would be mine!

3.
I find it super annoying that no matter how tired I am lately, and even with exercise, I can go to bed and still not be able to sleep. I go to bed around 10:30pm and I still don't sleep till around midnight. To make things even MORE annoying - Jeff comes to bed around 11:30pm and as soon as his head hits his pillow - he's out cold. As an insomniac there is really just about nothing that is more head-banging unfair than seeing your partner blissfully sleeping. It just emphasizes the fact that you.. are NOT sleeping. And that you most likely will NOT be sleeping anytime soon. And yes, I follow all the lovely rules for insomnia. Bed at the same time, getting UP at the same time, no caffeine after a certain hour... the lists never really change and yet they never make a damn bit of difference in my sleep routine. I follow them all to no avail. Insomnia still pops up like that horrible ex-boyfriend you thought was finally gone for good. Oh, do I need to mention that Jeff SNORES?? Thus is the soundtrack of my life.

4.
Nathan has apparently reached the age where other children will hit him. Today, for example, I took him to Little Bears. It's a playcenter on Rte 1 where you can let your child run around and play. They have plush sofas for moms and dads to hang out, they have coffee and tea, and they have a TON of toys. Since Nathan is so little, I can't really just let him roam around and have fun while I peruse an US Weekly. I instead pretty much follow him around. At one point he was playing with a ball near another little boy who was only a few weeks older. I think around 15 months. This little boy wanted the ball too. His solution? He hit Nathan. About three times. Nathan cried and I scooped him up and the other mother was mortified. It's not her fault, it's not even the little boy's fault. It's the age, it's what they do. A few minutes later? That same little boy picked up the ball and threw it at Nathan's head where it bounced off him. I picked Nathan up and moved him to a different area of the room right after that. It's frustrating because I don't really know what to do. The other mother was clearly embarassed. The kids are young enough that you really can't ask them to apologize - they don't understand that, but I still didn't like seeing my precious baby get smacked around. So moving him seemed to be the best option. I guess I wasn't expecting these sorts of issues already. For some reason I was thinking that happened later, like around 4. Apparently I was wrong. I guess for now I just have to be even more vigilant about watching Nathan when he's playing near other children.

5.
Jeff and I are getting ready to move and we've started cleaning out our basement. That resulted in about 4 bins of trash. How in the WORLD do we manage to fit so much STUFF into such a small house? It boggles the mind really! Next weekend we're planning on hitting up our shed - our shed that we haven't touched in like 4 years. May the force be with us!!!

Attitude Adjustment

There are days when I forget just how lucky, how blessed, how looked after I am. I'm not a naturally "glass if half full" person - I tend to be sarcastic and always kind of looking "for the catch" so to speak. And I forget on occasion, that I am privileged. There are days when I'm feeling like I don't love myself, that Jeff and I are sooo strict with our budget and money can be tight, that boy where are the days that I could buy whatever I wanted (thank you American Express!!!) and do whatever I wanted. But I just watched a Dateline episode about hunger in Ohio and it featured this one food bank that services 3,000 people monthly:

http://www.friends-n-neighbors.org/

It also told the stories of different families and how they are struggling. One family was a young mom with three children, she was young. So young, 21 years old I believe with a three year old, a two year old, and a one year old. And she was living in a van. A VAN! I almost sobbed when I realized she had a baby boy as old as my own beloved and precious Nathan and she was sleeping in a van. In the winter. She had no child support, no money coming, and she acknowledged she'd made some bad choices. It just got me thinking. Your starting game, the way you enter life, can either make you or break you. She had no family to help her. She had nothing. Her children's father - nothing. While I sniffle and watch her story I think about how unfair it is that I have so much, and she has so little. My own baby boy has so many toys I CYCLE THEM OUT so he doesn't get overwhelmed. He has clothes and food (need I say that I even spend more on ORGANIC FOOD because it's supposed to be better for him?) and he has really everything his heart could desire. This poor mom was making her own diapers for her baby boy out of underpants stuffed with a dishtowel. It breaks my heart on so many levels. I know Jeff and I are lucky in that we have family who have and will stand by us. That if the worst happened, we would have a home. We would have a MULTITUDE of homes to choose from among family members who would gladly take us in. If we were hungry, we have family who could, and would, feed us. It's gut wrenching. I can sit here and get angry that this girl, who admittedly knew of birth control and still had three children, yet I ache for her. I ache for her children. Children who are not getting the head start that Nathan is getting. Children who might possibly wind up in similar situations as their mother.

It made me think that I need to definitely adopt a more positive attitude in life. To remember that I may not have had the easiest life at times, but that I am still lucky. Very, very, very lucky.

Marriage and having a baby

Why is it that NOBODY tells you that having a child, ideally the most wonderful even in your life, is also the HARDEST thing on your marriage??? This past year Jeff and I have grown a LOT as a couple, and it has not been easy. We have bickered, we have snapped, we have argued and we have tried to claw each others' eyes out in a fit of rage. Okay, the eye thing hasn't happened - yet, but we have fought more with each other this last year than we did the entire 4 years we were together previously. Why does nobody warn you of this? I mean, not that I would have BELIEVED it... because OBVIOUSLY Jeff and I are a SUPERIOR couple who NEVER argue or act short and snippy with each other. Ever. We also never do any of these other things:
Roll our eyes
Interrupt
Say something sarcastic
Ignore the other person while tending to their pretend farm on Facebook

Much like Nathan now acting like a holy terror in restaurants, we have had to face facts that there were times when we would gladly smother the other person and laugh hysterically while doing it. Hurt feelings abound and we've worked hard to get past that. I'd say we are about 80% better than we were a short year ago. We're getting more sleep, and we've examined the way we argue. Ways we can disagree without hurting each others' feelings. We're not perfect. We are not superior. We're very, very human. It's definitely a work in progress over here!