This will be you and dear lord do I wish I was exaggerating. I am not. This started for me on Thursday of this week when at work I noticed my wedding bands felt a little snug. Okay - a LOT snug. So I took them off. This irks me SO much I cannot even explain it. Don't my sausage like fingers know how long it took me to get those bands??? A LONG ASS TIME!! And now I can't wear them? It's a sick joke people. A sick joke.
But wait - it gets better. My father, the lovely man of understanding and compassion that he is took me out that night for dinner. Before dinner I was browsing "Motherhood Maternity" (the land of bows and cleavage shirts) and he mentioned my arms looked......... and his voice trailed off. I asked him, fat? My arms look fat?? No, no.... he tried to back pedal a little. Just.... puffy. Because PUFFY is so much better than FAT! Apparently my big and puffy limbs are swelling up like a balloon!!! He's damn lucky there were no sharp instruments near me because I would have stabbed him over and over again in a fit of hormonal rage. Well, and he was buying dinner. I can forgive a lot if you feed me.
And then, the worst. My feet are swollen. I don't think I need to remind people how much I love shoes. LOVE shoes. They are the best part of shopping, the best part of a bad day, and my feet are sooooooo bloated and puffy right now my shoes don't fit. I have one pair of flip flops that I've been wearing so I thought I'd head on off to Macy's and get a cute pair of sandals. You know, comfy sandals I could wear to work. I tried on two pairs and was dismayed to see all the extra fat on my feet just pushing out around the straps. It was like trying to belt buckle a marshmallow. I kid you not. My feet are so swollen I cannot wear SHOES! SHOES!!! I'm not asking for a lot, I wasn't trying to cram my feet into a pair of 4 inch heels, I just wanted some cute sandals. I was even look for PRACTICAL.... and COMFORTABLE.. which we all know I never look for in a pair of shoes, so I was compromising. No compromise is allowed.. my mishapen feet are rebelling and I left the mall shoeless. That's a sad, sad day people. A sad day.
I cannot WAIT to find out what else is in store for me... and since Jeff is now sighing at me and telling me we need to go get dinner I'll sign off!
2 comments:
I said I was the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (remember from Ghost Busters) Keep an eye on the swelling. Drink water...unless your doctor tells you not to. You are almost there, then you will look back on it and laugh. I promise. Plus, you now have lots of ammo to use against your child in the future. (for example, just the other day my 8 yr old was being disrespectful to me. I told him...you do not disrespect your mother! I created you. I suffered to bring you here on this earth. You should worship me!~okay, I didn't say the worship part, but he got the point)
When are you going to post preggo pics? Seriously!!! I'll bet you look beautiful~puffiness and all.
Katharine, alas, does not believe in the concept of pregnancy glow. It would be such a comfort, but she's having none of it.
And may I say that her father is most distressingly slandered by this blog. He assures me that he was simply offering sympathy about puffy arms, while noting that the swelling was not particularly noticable elsewhere. (Well, yes, the fingers were visibly swollen, but that was about it.)
I confess I can't wait for the portrait gallery either. You can use the pictures to show off your new Spring dress.
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