Lack of skill in the cooking department

People at my new job are fascinated, I mean FASCINATED by the fact that I do not cook. It's like I've said something along the lines of "I never shower" or "I never go to the bathroom". They are SHOCKED that I don't cook. When I explained that one night I actually DID cook, and by "cook" I mean I shook some fish sticks and potato puffs onto a baking sheet and placed them in the oven, I thought I'd have to pick them up off the ground after they passed out cold. But that's "cooking", right?? I mean... it's NOT not cooking.

Anyway, the way people react they seem to think 1 of 2 things.

1. That somehow I tricked Jeff into marrying me with an elaborate bait and switch and eventually he will grow tired of the fact that my idea of cooking is throwing mac and cheese into a pot. I had one woman tell me, with all seriousness, that Jeff will leave me because I don't cook. Apparently the companionship, friendship, and laughter that I offer our relationship all pale in the shadow of the fact that I don't turn on the oven more than once a month.

2. That my soon to be born child will starve death or suffer from severe malnutrition.

For the first, Jeff KNEW that I couldn't cook when we met. I've already well documented the fact that my attempt at making him baked ziti failed miserably. Let me also point out that the stove in my Allston apartment had not been turned on in the three years I lived there. Not at all. I subsisted on cereal, take out, and the occasional can of soup heated up on the burners. But the stove - didn't use it. I think Jeff figured that out when he came over one day and attempted to make me dinner. The pilot light was out, and when he went to light it, the fireball that came out at him almost took off his eyebrows. Unhappy pretty much sums up his feelings for the night. So, there was no bait and switch. I never got food, threw out the containers and attempted to pass a gourmet meal off on him. Not even once.

And for the second. Of COURSE I have every intention of learning a few simple, nutritious recipes for when our child gets older. Gourmet meals, no thanks. Simple... varied.. sure. But I also figure I have a few years before I need to do this so I'm not all that worried. I've already determined that the crock pot and I are friends, so it probably means I'll be utlizing that more at some point.

For cooking in general. I know, some people LOVE it. My sister Karen pours over recipes and magazing articles and actually CHANGES recipes to suit her needs. I would NEVER change a recipe because I'm just so bad at following the original one that to change it seems to seriously spit in the eye of fate. I don't do it. But yes, there are a lot of people out there who love creating things in the kitchen. They love the whole process, trying things out, chopping and dicing and whatever else goes on. Not me. I hate it. The whole thing is just so BORING to me and I'd really rather do anything else. Laundry? Sure! Scrub the bathroom? No problem! Clean up the house? Anytime! Cook? Bah. Me cooking goes something like this:

Katharine: Puts pot of water on stove and turns it on
Katharine: stands for a few minutes staring at water and gets distracted by something shiny
Katharine: wanders away


time passes....

Jeff: "Is there something burning on the stove"?
Katharine: "Shit"

That's me EVERY SINGLE TIME! I just have NO PATIENCE for cooking and really would rather do a million other things than stand in the kitchen waiting for food. Let's face it, take out is going to be our friend until the day comes that I can no longer lift the phone and place an order!