Dog

He's staring at me. Right now Monty and I are engaged in some sort of bizarre staring contest where he's been STARING AT ME for the past 10 minutes. Just standing here, staring at me. I'm ignoring him because he's already been out, and it isn't time for dinner. But yet he is STILL STARING AT ME. And I'm not going to acknowledge him. He WANTS me to acknowledge him. He WANTS me to give in and get up and let him out and feed him, but I am not going to be swayed this time. Monty is FINE! There is NO REASON for him to be staring at me other than just wanting to MAKE ME INSANE. I think he's trying to see if I snap. I really and truly do. I think that this is running through his head "Bitches. I used to be the baby, ME! I AM the baby. Now they've brought home that really small person and I am not getting the attention that is so deservedly MINE. Bitches. I'm going to stare at my mother until she acknowledges me".

But I am NOT going to give in. Even though he's been staring at me for 15 minutes now.. I am NOT GOING TO GIVE IN. Oh, and that sound you hear in the far off distance - it's me screaming.

Conversation with Nathan

No, No Nathan. See, if you are crying and wiggling and screaming your little head off I CANNOT change your diaper. And since the whole process of changing your diaper, primarily the LYING YOU DOWN ON THE CHANGING PAD has suddenly become a big no no for you - you would think that you would want the process to go smoothly. And quickly. Especially since it seems to make you soooo incredibly unhappy. But mommy can NOT change your diaper quickly if you are wriggling like a ferret on crack. And if you happen to add SCREAMING to your repertoire, well, the whole changing the diaper thing takes a lot longer than it really should. See how mommy is constantly trying to distract you during the process with singing and toys? And see how she struggles to get you all cleaned up because you keep trying to flip over? Well that is NOT helping mommy. And while you may think that mommy is Wonder Woman (and I freely admit that she just might be), she is not able to get a new diaper on your bum in a timely manner if you are doing any of the above. So work WITH mommy, okay??? Soon you'll be back on the floor playing your favorite game - "rip the covers off mommy's favorite and treasured books".

Being a Stay at Home Mommy

I never used to fantasize about being a stay at home mommy. I DID, however, fantasize about being a "kept woman". Yup, I really, really wanted to know what it would be like to be a "mistress". Now, I didn't REALLY want to be one - but the IDEA of being one was incredibly enticing. I remember once I was walking through Downtown Crossing when this older gentleman wearing a very nice suit took my hand and tried to get me to "get a cup of coffee" with him. Uh, no thank you. I mentioned it to my boss at the time and she said I had just missed out on my opportunity to be a "kept woman" - she was KIDDING, but that's what got me thinking. How lovely would it be to have NO responsibilities, to do nothing all day but go to spas, the gym, shopping, and to have my OWN APARTMENT where I didn't have to pay for anything? Pretty darn lovely, right? Now, I'm well aware that the fantasy in my head is not a reality and that that sort of relationship isn't really a "relationship" as much as it is say, a BUSINESS relationship - if you get my meaning! But boy was it a tantalizing thought. Especially when I had to do things I didn't want to do, like pay the rent and utilities and cable and perhaps there wasn't REALLY money left over to go do something fun. Anyway, now that I'm a stay at home mommy, I'm having a hard time adjusting to the fact that the day is pretty much mine. Yes, it's REALLY run by Nathan, or as my father likes to call him, "The Little Tyrant" - but since Nathan is only 11 months, I pretty much decide things like what we're doing, what he'll eat, and when naptime is. If I want to stay in the house and lie on the floor with Nathan while he crawls all over me - that's what we do. If I want to get out of the house, than I plan a playdate or other outing. I don't really have a schedule yet, and I'm trying to get one, because I am someone who works best with a schedule. A schedule AND a deadline. Maybe it's because I'm a HUGE procrastinator, but I tend to wait till the very last second to finish whatever needs to be done, so deadlines are huge for me in terms of motivation.

Right now my schedule is pretty much as follows:
Wake up with Nathan - change his diaper and give him breakfast.
Put Nathan in his exersaucer and turn on Nick Jr for Blues Clues while I take the world's fastest shower.
Pop Nathan into his playroom and attempt to eat breakfast myself - eating VERY quickly before Nathan melts down because I am NOT sitting right next to him.
Play time - Games we play are "Climb all over mommy", "open and close dresser drawer and get VERY upset when mommy repeatedly tries to redirect to another activity". "try and put pacifier in mommy's mouth", "eat everything".
Bottle
Nap time (please god, nap time would be lovely)
Wake Nathan up and feed him lunch
Into the stroller for a walk around neighborhood or lake or mall, or maybe a playdate. The key is to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE at some point.
Bottle
Nap time
Play time in playroom where we play games like "How many pacifiers can we drop before running out", "Let's scream our heads off if mommy needs to leave for 5 second to run to the bathroom", and "hey, is that a phone/magazine/book/remote control because I want it RIGHT NOW".
Dinner
Give Nathan to Jeff as soon as he walks through the door
Dishes
Bathtime
Story or playtime
Bottle
Bed
Of course the schedule is subject to changes at the last minute but i try and make sure Nathan gets all his naps in - though I also make sure the afternoon nap doesn't stretch beyond 5:00pm because otherwise he's IMPOSSIBLE to get to go down for bed.
It's definitely been an adjustment over here, but I'm loving everything so far!

Distrust of anything after midnight

Let's face it, anything after midnight is NOT GOOD. Wait? Do you need more? Let me explain. Anything that happens after midnight is usually NOT GOOD. Midnight and after is kind of the witching hour so to speak. If you're awake it's most likely not on purpose and you're engaged in some insomnia-related activity such as staring at the clock and counting how many hours you have until you have to wake up the next morning, watching QVC, or tossing and turning as your mind plays some odd loop in your head over and over again no matter what you do. If you're out and about, anything after midnight is NOT GOOD because that usually means you've been drinking. And if you've been drinking, after midnight is about the time where you perhaps have DRUNK TOO MUCH. This is the point in time when you judgement becomes, well, murky. You THINK you still look amazing - until you happen to glance at yourself in the mirror and notice you have sweated off all your make-up and look perhaps... NOT GOOD. This is also a bad time to maybe say... meet somebody. Your judgement, as I stated before, is murky at best, and you are not really looking at this potential partner with the best eyes. Once again, NOT GOOD. And if you are instead awake after midnight because your child is sick, crying, hates you and wants you and daddy to die a slow and miserable death - well this is also NOT GOOD. This is the time of night when you and your significant other will fight over something as small as what kind of diapers to buy, to something as serious as budget concerns. This is NOT THE TIME to have ANY sort of discussion, no matter how small or how big. I can pretty much guarantee that you and your significant other will NOT AGREE. Not only will you NOT AGREE with each other, you will soooooooo NOT AGREE with each other that you will perhaps have a DISCUSSION. This is NOT GOOD! So really, anything that takes place after midnight is not to be trusted. Little tidbit from me to you!

Heart

Warning - mushy post alert!!! The hormones are running through my body faster than the speed of light, so if you don't want to read the mushy ooshiness.. well.. give this post a PASS!

Nathan is almost 1 years old. I cannot believe it. Last Father's Day I got Jeff a picture frame where there's a tiny oval for each month, and you put a picture in it to show how your baby is growing month by month. When I presented it to Jeff (he LOVES taking pictures), we both marvelled over ALL THOSE TINY WINDOWS. I mean, it was RIDICULOUS to even think about how time would pass and we would have Nathan and that a WHOLE YEAR would fly by. But today Jeff showed me the frame and there's only one tiny window left. 12 months.

It feels like I've had Nathan with me forever. It feels like my heart is walking around outside of my body in the form of my baby. Everything he does amazes me. Even when he's being a total BEAR because he missed a nap and then didn't have a full afternoon nap and I can't so much as run to the bathroom to PEE without him pulling himself up on the gate to SCREAM his little head off, well even then I know I'm so freakin' lucky. Beyond lucky to have such an amazing child. Lucky that I'm able to be home with him, and lucky that he is seriously so insanely cute that there are STILL times when I have to force myself to hand him over to adoring grandpas and grandma and cousins and friends. Because there are STILL days when I am happiest when he puts his little hand on me and I feel the slight weight of his hand and know that there is so much responsibility in that little touch. And yet so much joy. I watch him sleep and I wonder if there will ever be a point in my life where I WON'T want to watch him sleep and I really hope that comes before he's like, 16 years old, because boy will he NOT want his mommy staring at him when he's a teenager. Talk about therapy!! And I wonder if I'm just the most boring person on earth because I can sit and talk about him and the things he does FOREVER and holy crap I feel bad for whoever I'm talking to because I UNDERSTAND that I am the most uninteresting person in the world and yet I CANNOT STOP MYSELF.

And my baby is almost a year old. It makes me want to cry because WHERE DID MY BABY GO??? The time flew by and even though carrying him around the mall leaves me with a back ache and exhausted - I STILL carry him around the mall for two reason:
1. He likes
2. I like it - and I know there will be a time where he will NOT want to be carried and it will make me cry, gotta get my time in now!

I read a book once where the author likened being a mother to being in Shakespeare's "Midsummer's Nights Dream" - where you are truly not in your right mind. I'd have to agree. Being a mother has been the most challenging thing I've ever done - and every day I am eternally thankful that I am NATHAN's mom. He is definitely my heart.

Bait and Switch

There is not a lot of snuggle time at Chez Weiner. Okay, there IS some snuggle time. But it's usually Nathan and myself. Nathan is a definite cuddler and I LOVE it! He'll turn around and put his head on my shoulder and his little hands rested on me and okay, SOMETIMES he opens his mouth and just COMES AT ME and I say "Cannibal baby - don't eat me" and he laughs and laughs and I am dying laughing as well because really he has no idea what I'm saying... but I'm getting off the point. I never used to like to snuggle. Ever. I remember a previous relationship where in the middle of the night my boyfriend at the time tried to cuddle with me and I PUNCHED HIM IN MY SLEEP!!! He was NOT happy and immediately woke me up to tell me how awful that was. I told him that I loathe people touching me when I'm trying to sleep, and that remained true for years. I even banned my precious cat Princess Lily from my bed at night because she would make me INSANE when she tried to sleep next to say.... my head. Awful. This dislike of cuddling continued until I got married. Something about "married" flipped a switch in my head and now I LOVE to cuddle. I don't think I need to mention that Jeff HATES cuddling, right?? Hates it. Hates it, hates it. So I bargain for my cuddle time. I'll do something nice like.. let him play video games for an hour while I attend to Nathan so I can get cuddle time. Or we time it. Like, cuddle time is 5 minutes. And you better believe Jeff is marking off that time in his head. You can almost SEE him counting silently, 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi until he is free. Maybe it's because Jeff is so... cuddly!!! I swear he is the BEST for cuddle time and I love it, love it, love it!!!

Of course I have a feeling that when Nathan can start to fight back, my cuddle time with him will be over... I can picture him now with a disgusted look on his face "Mom, please... leave me alone". Sigh...

Oh, and Jeff says that I used the old bait and switch on him with the cuddling thing.. hence the name of this post!

Newest Question

A quick post - but I'd like to know why it is that I NEVER notice that Nathan has something on his face, or something in his nose until I am outside the house and people are coming up to him to talk about how cute he is. I ALWAYS wipe his hands and face, and I'm pretty good at cleaning him up after meals - but every SINGLE time I am out and about with him and someone comes over to say "hi" - I'll notice he's got a smear of his lunch near his eye (and WTF is THAT all about it?? Near his EYE???), or there's something in his nose. I will desperately to do a quick swipe to get his face clean, but for the most part - he's got a dirty face. It's soooo embarrassing. Oh, and why is it the ONE time I leave the house without a change of clothes in my diaper bag, that Nathan has the world's BIGGEST diaper explosion and I wind up changing his diaper, cleaning him off, and walking around with a baby in nothing but a diaper and socks. It's like walking around with white trash baby and once again - not a happy camper. ESPECIALLY since I usually make a point to dress him extra cute if I know we're going out. Because yes, if I know ahead of time it's going to be a slow morning or if it's raining and I'm not really leaving the house - I leave him in his jammies. I know, I know... bad... but hey.. he's a BABY and he really doesn't know any better!

Hope everyone had a wonderful long weekend - we had a pretty nice one at Chez Weiner and went to an arcade where I kicked some serious ass on the Skeeball machine! Go ME!