I'm a deeply sarcastic person by nature. I love metal music - the angrier and the more angsty the better. I also love scary movies. Now that I have Nathan I've become aware of the fact that I am responsible for shaping his personality. I know some of his personality will be "nature", but some will be "nurture". I'd like the "nurture" aspect of his personality to be positive. I want him to be happy and confident and self-aware. I want him to be a good person, a kind person, someone who helps people yet has the inner strength to stand up for himself. I want him to be a better version of me. So I found this site about Happy Things and here's a list of things they gave to be happy about:
blue M & M's
crunchy bell peppers
greater self-awareness
the trivium of grammar, logic, and rhetoric - and the quadruvium of geometry, arithmetic, astronomy, and music; the seven liberal arts
Picasso paintings in Barcelona
about one-ninth of any iceberg appears above the water's surface
sun too bright to look at
giant cabbages
blenders
a real general store
self-adhesive stamps
wooden-pegged paneling and ships' nails
helping an old lady cross the street
gangs of crows
It's an interesting list because most of the things that I see on here I've never really given much thought to. I know today I was happy for quite a few reasons:
I actually went OUT on a Friday night. Like OUT out. WITH A FRIEND! We watched two movies (Toy Story 3 and The Expendables - both were excellent in their own different ways), and I ate M & M's and we later went to a local bar where I had the most delicious green apple martini and felt delightfully tipsy afterwards.
Jeff and I didn't fight this weekend - Can I get a WOOT WOOT for this one???
Prune juice is like the nectar of the gods when dealing with a constipated baby. It was like his whole system just cleaned RIGHT OUT! And while being happy about a poopy diaper seems kind of silly - well it beats the alternative of having your child scream and cry because he CANNOT POOP!
My mother in law brought over food this morning so Jeff and I have bagels and bulky rolls and chicken salad and seafood salad and deli meats and cheeses for the next few day. YUM!
Nathan got his first haircut at Snip It's in Burlington and the woman who cut his hair was AMAZING. Nathan cried and cried the ENTIRE TIME and she gave him the most adorable cut and she didn't slice off a finger in the process. A small miracle considering he kept trying to push her hand away.
I've also found that because I now primarily listen to children's music during the day, I've gotten a little more upbeat. I actually really like the following song:
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Play Time with Nathan
Starting to get the hang of the whole "stay at home" thing with Nathan. We have playtime and feeding time, and SOMETIMES there is even..... wait for it.. NAP TIME!!! Oh how I love nap time! Anyway, every single day I feel like Nathan is doing something different, learning, or surprising me with what he can do. Lately, he's obsessed with books. He'll pick out a book and drag it over to me and kind of, well, THROW it at me! I'll say "Do you want me to read your book" and he'll smile and I'll pull him onto my lap and we'll read together. Okay, I'll TRY to read. Nathan has not yet mastered the whole idea of waiting for me to finish reading what is on the page before TURNING the page! And he goes back and forth. Right now tough, he's OBSESSED with a version of "Pat the Bunny" called "Bunny and Friends". Basically Paul and Judy, along with their new friends Gordon and Kay, are looking for bunny and they see a lot of other animals on the farm first. Honestly, I had no idea there even WAS a sequel to "Pat the Bunny" and secretly think it's kind of a lame book - but Nathan LOVES it. He pulls it out of the book shelf to bring to me so I read it. Over and over and over again. And again. And again. I know repetition is good for kids, but my oh my. I keep trying to switch it out for another book, and sometimes I can convince him that "Go Dog Go" is a better choice, but not always.
It is super cute though. Especially when he's sitting on my lap all excited and he stops every now and then and looks back at me. Making sure I'm still there, maybe? But it's adorable when he does it and it absolutely melts me heart.
We are however, VERY excited to move. Baby jail is NOT working for Nathan anymore. And we can't use our exersaucer either since he's figured out how to escape. You have to be with him ALL THE TIME or he does some sort of houdini manuever and when a 13 month old is "exploring", well, that's not a good thing.
Countdown to moving? 16 days!
It is super cute though. Especially when he's sitting on my lap all excited and he stops every now and then and looks back at me. Making sure I'm still there, maybe? But it's adorable when he does it and it absolutely melts me heart.
We are however, VERY excited to move. Baby jail is NOT working for Nathan anymore. And we can't use our exersaucer either since he's figured out how to escape. You have to be with him ALL THE TIME or he does some sort of houdini manuever and when a 13 month old is "exploring", well, that's not a good thing.
Countdown to moving? 16 days!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Knees
My poor, poor knees. I finished Day 9 of the running program and the whole time my knees ached. From start to finish. What the heck can I do about knee pain?? I know losing weight helps with knee pain, but heck, how can I lose weight when I can't jog without knee pain??? Ugh... oh, and I'd like to add that I effing GAINED weight. Yes, I've GAINED weight while doing my jogging program. It's just unfair people. Really, really unfair. Bah!!!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Rage
I'm late on this bandwagon but it really, really upsets me. Apparently supermodel Giselle has issued the following verdict:
“Some people here (in the US) think they don’t have to breastfeed, and I think ‘Are you going to give chemical food to your child when they are so little?’ I think there should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months.”
Words cannot express how much this angers me. I adore my baby, my son, really my reason for getting out of bed in the morning more than I can ever express. I breastfed Nathan for approximately 3 weeks. It was 3 long, long weeks. I didn't have a problem with latching or milk production, my problem was that Nathan was using me as a pacifier. When I tell you that for 3 weeks I slept for maybe an hour at a time as I sat on the sofa switching Nathan from on breast to the other, I am not lying. I was exhausted. I was beyond exhausted. Me, a die hard insomniac who has gone to work and STAYED AWAKE at her job after only 20 minutes of sleep the night before, was losing her mind. Nathan is a formula fed baby and I still feel guilty about it. Really guilty. Like bad mommy guilt. While on one hand, I know that I made the best decision for me, the other hand is over there just wringing away with guilt. I WISH I could have breast fed Nathan for longer. I WANTED to breast feed Nathan for longer. I couldn't do it. And while I applaud all the mommies out there who are able to do it, I do NOT need some supermodel bitch telling me how awful I am as a parent. And I want to know about the women who cannot breast feed? I have dear friends who tried and tried and just couldn't do it. They are AMAZING mommies. So there should be a LAW that would force them to breastfeed when they physically cannot?? GAH! The whole thing just angers me and once again I wonder why I live in a culture where just because someone is physically attractive that we feel that what they have to say is TRUE and IMPORTANT when in reality they are spewing NONSENSE. GAH! And GAH again!
“Some people here (in the US) think they don’t have to breastfeed, and I think ‘Are you going to give chemical food to your child when they are so little?’ I think there should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months.”
Words cannot express how much this angers me. I adore my baby, my son, really my reason for getting out of bed in the morning more than I can ever express. I breastfed Nathan for approximately 3 weeks. It was 3 long, long weeks. I didn't have a problem with latching or milk production, my problem was that Nathan was using me as a pacifier. When I tell you that for 3 weeks I slept for maybe an hour at a time as I sat on the sofa switching Nathan from on breast to the other, I am not lying. I was exhausted. I was beyond exhausted. Me, a die hard insomniac who has gone to work and STAYED AWAKE at her job after only 20 minutes of sleep the night before, was losing her mind. Nathan is a formula fed baby and I still feel guilty about it. Really guilty. Like bad mommy guilt. While on one hand, I know that I made the best decision for me, the other hand is over there just wringing away with guilt. I WISH I could have breast fed Nathan for longer. I WANTED to breast feed Nathan for longer. I couldn't do it. And while I applaud all the mommies out there who are able to do it, I do NOT need some supermodel bitch telling me how awful I am as a parent. And I want to know about the women who cannot breast feed? I have dear friends who tried and tried and just couldn't do it. They are AMAZING mommies. So there should be a LAW that would force them to breastfeed when they physically cannot?? GAH! The whole thing just angers me and once again I wonder why I live in a culture where just because someone is physically attractive that we feel that what they have to say is TRUE and IMPORTANT when in reality they are spewing NONSENSE. GAH! And GAH again!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Thoughts and Randomness
I've got a lot on my mind lately and none of it really flows, so here it goes!
1.
I'm on Day 7 of my running program. This week is week 2, even though it's week 3. Does that make sense? Well I did the week 1 running program for 2 weeks, and now I'm doing the week 2 running program. It's as follows:
Brisk five-minute warmup walk.
Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.
I forced my lazy self off the sofa tonight and oh my God. It was HARD. My legs felt like cement for most of the time, and it was very difficult. I did it. I'm proud of myself for doing it - but whew. It's not easier. I'm hoping by the time I get to September that I'm actually not struggling as much.
2.
I'm once again dreaming of new bedding. I've been perusing The Company Store catalogues like a crack addict jonesing for her next fix. Lovely words like "down", "plush", "luxury" and "sensual" are calling to me from the pages. I've also discovered that The Company Store puts out some lovely children's items. Bedding, room decorations, hooded towels. I want it all. I've marked up their catalogue with a lovely black sharpie pen and in my pretend online shopping cart I've got about $500 worth of stuff that I want to get for Nathan all picked out. Once again, this is the reason why I should never own a credit card. Ever. Because all that stuff? It would be mine!
3.
I find it super annoying that no matter how tired I am lately, and even with exercise, I can go to bed and still not be able to sleep. I go to bed around 10:30pm and I still don't sleep till around midnight. To make things even MORE annoying - Jeff comes to bed around 11:30pm and as soon as his head hits his pillow - he's out cold. As an insomniac there is really just about nothing that is more head-banging unfair than seeing your partner blissfully sleeping. It just emphasizes the fact that you.. are NOT sleeping. And that you most likely will NOT be sleeping anytime soon. And yes, I follow all the lovely rules for insomnia. Bed at the same time, getting UP at the same time, no caffeine after a certain hour... the lists never really change and yet they never make a damn bit of difference in my sleep routine. I follow them all to no avail. Insomnia still pops up like that horrible ex-boyfriend you thought was finally gone for good. Oh, do I need to mention that Jeff SNORES?? Thus is the soundtrack of my life.
4.
Nathan has apparently reached the age where other children will hit him. Today, for example, I took him to Little Bears. It's a playcenter on Rte 1 where you can let your child run around and play. They have plush sofas for moms and dads to hang out, they have coffee and tea, and they have a TON of toys. Since Nathan is so little, I can't really just let him roam around and have fun while I peruse an US Weekly. I instead pretty much follow him around. At one point he was playing with a ball near another little boy who was only a few weeks older. I think around 15 months. This little boy wanted the ball too. His solution? He hit Nathan. About three times. Nathan cried and I scooped him up and the other mother was mortified. It's not her fault, it's not even the little boy's fault. It's the age, it's what they do. A few minutes later? That same little boy picked up the ball and threw it at Nathan's head where it bounced off him. I picked Nathan up and moved him to a different area of the room right after that. It's frustrating because I don't really know what to do. The other mother was clearly embarassed. The kids are young enough that you really can't ask them to apologize - they don't understand that, but I still didn't like seeing my precious baby get smacked around. So moving him seemed to be the best option. I guess I wasn't expecting these sorts of issues already. For some reason I was thinking that happened later, like around 4. Apparently I was wrong. I guess for now I just have to be even more vigilant about watching Nathan when he's playing near other children.
5.
Jeff and I are getting ready to move and we've started cleaning out our basement. That resulted in about 4 bins of trash. How in the WORLD do we manage to fit so much STUFF into such a small house? It boggles the mind really! Next weekend we're planning on hitting up our shed - our shed that we haven't touched in like 4 years. May the force be with us!!!
1.
I'm on Day 7 of my running program. This week is week 2, even though it's week 3. Does that make sense? Well I did the week 1 running program for 2 weeks, and now I'm doing the week 2 running program. It's as follows:
Brisk five-minute warmup walk.
Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.
I forced my lazy self off the sofa tonight and oh my God. It was HARD. My legs felt like cement for most of the time, and it was very difficult. I did it. I'm proud of myself for doing it - but whew. It's not easier. I'm hoping by the time I get to September that I'm actually not struggling as much.
2.
I'm once again dreaming of new bedding. I've been perusing The Company Store catalogues like a crack addict jonesing for her next fix. Lovely words like "down", "plush", "luxury" and "sensual" are calling to me from the pages. I've also discovered that The Company Store puts out some lovely children's items. Bedding, room decorations, hooded towels. I want it all. I've marked up their catalogue with a lovely black sharpie pen and in my pretend online shopping cart I've got about $500 worth of stuff that I want to get for Nathan all picked out. Once again, this is the reason why I should never own a credit card. Ever. Because all that stuff? It would be mine!
3.
I find it super annoying that no matter how tired I am lately, and even with exercise, I can go to bed and still not be able to sleep. I go to bed around 10:30pm and I still don't sleep till around midnight. To make things even MORE annoying - Jeff comes to bed around 11:30pm and as soon as his head hits his pillow - he's out cold. As an insomniac there is really just about nothing that is more head-banging unfair than seeing your partner blissfully sleeping. It just emphasizes the fact that you.. are NOT sleeping. And that you most likely will NOT be sleeping anytime soon. And yes, I follow all the lovely rules for insomnia. Bed at the same time, getting UP at the same time, no caffeine after a certain hour... the lists never really change and yet they never make a damn bit of difference in my sleep routine. I follow them all to no avail. Insomnia still pops up like that horrible ex-boyfriend you thought was finally gone for good. Oh, do I need to mention that Jeff SNORES?? Thus is the soundtrack of my life.
4.
Nathan has apparently reached the age where other children will hit him. Today, for example, I took him to Little Bears. It's a playcenter on Rte 1 where you can let your child run around and play. They have plush sofas for moms and dads to hang out, they have coffee and tea, and they have a TON of toys. Since Nathan is so little, I can't really just let him roam around and have fun while I peruse an US Weekly. I instead pretty much follow him around. At one point he was playing with a ball near another little boy who was only a few weeks older. I think around 15 months. This little boy wanted the ball too. His solution? He hit Nathan. About three times. Nathan cried and I scooped him up and the other mother was mortified. It's not her fault, it's not even the little boy's fault. It's the age, it's what they do. A few minutes later? That same little boy picked up the ball and threw it at Nathan's head where it bounced off him. I picked Nathan up and moved him to a different area of the room right after that. It's frustrating because I don't really know what to do. The other mother was clearly embarassed. The kids are young enough that you really can't ask them to apologize - they don't understand that, but I still didn't like seeing my precious baby get smacked around. So moving him seemed to be the best option. I guess I wasn't expecting these sorts of issues already. For some reason I was thinking that happened later, like around 4. Apparently I was wrong. I guess for now I just have to be even more vigilant about watching Nathan when he's playing near other children.
5.
Jeff and I are getting ready to move and we've started cleaning out our basement. That resulted in about 4 bins of trash. How in the WORLD do we manage to fit so much STUFF into such a small house? It boggles the mind really! Next weekend we're planning on hitting up our shed - our shed that we haven't touched in like 4 years. May the force be with us!!!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Attitude Adjustment
There are days when I forget just how lucky, how blessed, how looked after I am. I'm not a naturally "glass if half full" person - I tend to be sarcastic and always kind of looking "for the catch" so to speak. And I forget on occasion, that I am privileged. There are days when I'm feeling like I don't love myself, that Jeff and I are sooo strict with our budget and money can be tight, that boy where are the days that I could buy whatever I wanted (thank you American Express!!!) and do whatever I wanted. But I just watched a Dateline episode about hunger in Ohio and it featured this one food bank that services 3,000 people monthly:
http://www.friends-n-neighbors.org/
It also told the stories of different families and how they are struggling. One family was a young mom with three children, she was young. So young, 21 years old I believe with a three year old, a two year old, and a one year old. And she was living in a van. A VAN! I almost sobbed when I realized she had a baby boy as old as my own beloved and precious Nathan and she was sleeping in a van. In the winter. She had no child support, no money coming, and she acknowledged she'd made some bad choices. It just got me thinking. Your starting game, the way you enter life, can either make you or break you. She had no family to help her. She had nothing. Her children's father - nothing. While I sniffle and watch her story I think about how unfair it is that I have so much, and she has so little. My own baby boy has so many toys I CYCLE THEM OUT so he doesn't get overwhelmed. He has clothes and food (need I say that I even spend more on ORGANIC FOOD because it's supposed to be better for him?) and he has really everything his heart could desire. This poor mom was making her own diapers for her baby boy out of underpants stuffed with a dishtowel. It breaks my heart on so many levels. I know Jeff and I are lucky in that we have family who have and will stand by us. That if the worst happened, we would have a home. We would have a MULTITUDE of homes to choose from among family members who would gladly take us in. If we were hungry, we have family who could, and would, feed us. It's gut wrenching. I can sit here and get angry that this girl, who admittedly knew of birth control and still had three children, yet I ache for her. I ache for her children. Children who are not getting the head start that Nathan is getting. Children who might possibly wind up in similar situations as their mother.
It made me think that I need to definitely adopt a more positive attitude in life. To remember that I may not have had the easiest life at times, but that I am still lucky. Very, very, very lucky.
http://www.friends-n-neighbors.org/
It also told the stories of different families and how they are struggling. One family was a young mom with three children, she was young. So young, 21 years old I believe with a three year old, a two year old, and a one year old. And she was living in a van. A VAN! I almost sobbed when I realized she had a baby boy as old as my own beloved and precious Nathan and she was sleeping in a van. In the winter. She had no child support, no money coming, and she acknowledged she'd made some bad choices. It just got me thinking. Your starting game, the way you enter life, can either make you or break you. She had no family to help her. She had nothing. Her children's father - nothing. While I sniffle and watch her story I think about how unfair it is that I have so much, and she has so little. My own baby boy has so many toys I CYCLE THEM OUT so he doesn't get overwhelmed. He has clothes and food (need I say that I even spend more on ORGANIC FOOD because it's supposed to be better for him?) and he has really everything his heart could desire. This poor mom was making her own diapers for her baby boy out of underpants stuffed with a dishtowel. It breaks my heart on so many levels. I know Jeff and I are lucky in that we have family who have and will stand by us. That if the worst happened, we would have a home. We would have a MULTITUDE of homes to choose from among family members who would gladly take us in. If we were hungry, we have family who could, and would, feed us. It's gut wrenching. I can sit here and get angry that this girl, who admittedly knew of birth control and still had three children, yet I ache for her. I ache for her children. Children who are not getting the head start that Nathan is getting. Children who might possibly wind up in similar situations as their mother.
It made me think that I need to definitely adopt a more positive attitude in life. To remember that I may not have had the easiest life at times, but that I am still lucky. Very, very, very lucky.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Marriage and having a baby
Why is it that NOBODY tells you that having a child, ideally the most wonderful even in your life, is also the HARDEST thing on your marriage??? This past year Jeff and I have grown a LOT as a couple, and it has not been easy. We have bickered, we have snapped, we have argued and we have tried to claw each others' eyes out in a fit of rage. Okay, the eye thing hasn't happened - yet, but we have fought more with each other this last year than we did the entire 4 years we were together previously. Why does nobody warn you of this? I mean, not that I would have BELIEVED it... because OBVIOUSLY Jeff and I are a SUPERIOR couple who NEVER argue or act short and snippy with each other. Ever. We also never do any of these other things:
Roll our eyes
Interrupt
Say something sarcastic
Ignore the other person while tending to their pretend farm on Facebook
Much like Nathan now acting like a holy terror in restaurants, we have had to face facts that there were times when we would gladly smother the other person and laugh hysterically while doing it. Hurt feelings abound and we've worked hard to get past that. I'd say we are about 80% better than we were a short year ago. We're getting more sleep, and we've examined the way we argue. Ways we can disagree without hurting each others' feelings. We're not perfect. We are not superior. We're very, very human. It's definitely a work in progress over here!
Roll our eyes
Interrupt
Say something sarcastic
Ignore the other person while tending to their pretend farm on Facebook
Much like Nathan now acting like a holy terror in restaurants, we have had to face facts that there were times when we would gladly smother the other person and laugh hysterically while doing it. Hurt feelings abound and we've worked hard to get past that. I'd say we are about 80% better than we were a short year ago. We're getting more sleep, and we've examined the way we argue. Ways we can disagree without hurting each others' feelings. We're not perfect. We are not superior. We're very, very human. It's definitely a work in progress over here!
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