Friends

I've been blessed with some pretty great friends over the years. Some friends I've known forever and can remember since elementary school, and some good friends I've made very recently. I've even been fortunate enough to make at least ONE good friend from each job I've had over the years (with the exception of one - and since I was only there for 10 months before I quit, I'm not counting it!!). But as I've gotten older I've realized that I, me personally, am not a good friend. Well, I like to think I am a good friend NOW... but in the past, no. I don't mean a bad friend like stealing husbands or boyfriends, or anything along those lines. What I really mean is by taking friendships for granted. Not listening enough to what my friends were REALLY saying, and only taking in what I WANTED to take in. By putting the needs of boyfriend(s) before my friends (yes I understand the cliche that boyfriends come and go and friends are forever - and at the time I would have VEHEMENTLY denied that I was doing that, but looking back, I most certainly was). I also spurned people who were actively TRYING to be my friend. How crazy is that? But it was definitely something I did do, sometimes out of insecurity (why do they want to be my friend?), and sometimes out of pure laziness (being a good friend requires emotional investment and time, two things I didn't have or even WANT to have). I was insensitive at times to what my friends were telling me either verbally or through body cues. And I certainly did not spend lots of time with my friends cultivating the relationship. Any and all available free time would be spent on my boyfriend(s). It really wasn't until I was single in my late 20's that I started to place more value on my friends. And even then, I didn't quite recognize the importance. Meeting Jeff, marrying Jeff, having a child - it's all given me a lot of perspective and I can look back and say "Yes, I lost this friendship due to my own bad behavior" or "I lost this friendship because it was easier to lose it than to put in the time needed to keep it going". It's hard to admit. Hard to admit that I was not always the good friend I wanted to be, or even thought I was. Hey, denial isn't just a river in Egypt you know!

I'm trying now to not only be more open to new friendships, but to also cultivate and nurture the ones I already have. It's hard with a baby here, but Nathan is not an excuse. So while I dislike the whole "friend" thing on Facebook, I can appreciate that it has opened me up to more people, people who are now becoming "real" friends, and keeping me in touch with the friends I already have. And a big, big, big THANK YOU to all my lovely and wonderful friends who have put up with me over the years - I really appreciate you all!

Continued efforts to pay down my debts

I have $142.00 in my checking account until payday. Payday is Thursday. I'm actually pretty excited because my usual way of living is I go bat shit crazy on payday and pay EVERYTHING and buy all sorts of things, and the 4 days later I have something insane like $12 in my account and 9 more days till another check. And I am DOUBLE proud because my last paycheck was smaller than normal. It was smaller than normal because I took some unpaid sick time to stay home and take care of Nathan. So the fact that I have ANY money leftover is like a small miracle. I also need to do the following:

1. Go through my ever-increasing stack of coupons and buy a few things from Target.
2. Fill my gas tank.
3. Put $10 in my Savings account
4. Perhaps buy my husband a birthday present since his birthday is on March 2nd and so far I have a big fat NOTHING for him. It won't be a large present, but I do need to, oh, acknowledge it in some way!!! Would it be bad if I skipped the birthday card?? I LOVE cards, but at the same time, I can't help but know that a card is about $4.00 and it's something that does eventually get thrown away. Perhaps I should take that $4.00 and put it towards a gift that Jeff might actually ENJOY? I DO know that I will not repeat last year's mistake and get him scratch tickets. That was SUCH a complete waste, I would have been better of lighting a $20 bill on fire and watching it burn for all the good it did.

And what am I continuing to do? Well that's the continuing evaluation of my purchases - needs vs. wants, and cutting back on the take out. I didn't eat out once this week, and I brought my lunch every day. Well, I had take out today - but my office treated us to lunch since we had to sit through a conference call for training. And Jeff gave in to the horrible rainy weather and brought us take out for dinner. But that wasn't ME!!! See.. see how I got away with not spending money on anything but gas but still got to eat out?? GO ME!!!

Now if I could just get to the working out/losing weight part of my resolution and all will be well!

Fraidy Cat Dog

I've mentioned Monty before. And I feel bad that he's been so neglected since the arrival of Nathan. Real bad. I also suspect that Monty is getting arthritis in his back leg. When the weather was nicer I'd take him for walks and by the end of the walk he'd be limping. There doesn't seem to be any pain involved, but the limp is definitely there. Now being a greyhound, Monty is nothing but a bunch of bones. Greyhounds need to be on strict diets as their bodies are not made to handle excess weight (not, apparently like mine is after childbirth - but I digress). When he lies down, holy crap. There's this awful THUD and I just felt like his doggie bed wasn't giving him enough padding. He needed something more plush.

One afternoon Jeff, Nathan and I went to BJ's to stock up on formula. While wandering the massive aisles I saw dog beds. Big, soft, plushie looking dog beds. And for under $30! What a bargain! Jeff suggested we get a dog bed not QUITE as plush, but I pooh poohed that idea. Monty NEEDED a super thick and soft dog bed for his bony butt. So I bought it.

And here's what happened:

That is Monty sleeping NEXT to his bed. On the hard FLOOR. You can't really see the new bed, it's brown and plush and Monty was AFRAID of it. I put treats on it, I SAT on it and had him come to me. Finally I dragged his old bed out and put it ON TOP OF the new bed in the hopes that he would, you know, GET IT that this was an okay place to sleep. No go. He lay NEXT TO THE BED and was completely in the way because our living room is the size of a closet. And not a walk in closet at that!!

Pissed does not begin to describe how I felt about this. Jeff spent an HOUR taking the stuffing out of the bed so it wouldn't be quite as poofy and soft, and now Monty sleeps on it. It's still softer than what he had before, so when he lies down you don't hear that awful THUD of bony butt meeting hard wooden floor... but come ON! What elderly dog do YOU know will refuse to sleep on a new bed?? I swear this dog is afraid of EVERYTHING!!!!

Love of Books

It's no secret that I love books. I love books on different subjects, different people, different topics and genres. And I just love books in general. I adore browsing bookstores and looking at the different titles and covers and randomly picking them up and perhaps discovering a new favorite author I had never heard of previously. I was talking with a friend today who was telling me how books are going to soon be obsolete. That instead of books it will be all about the kindle and other reading devices. I just can NOT get into the kindle. I already stare at a computer all day long, and on my laptop at night - never mind television. That's too much staring at a screen in my opinion, and the idea of trading in my beloved books for another electronic device holds no appeal. Am I just hopelessly behind the times here? I traded in CDs for Itunes and have an Ipod. I'm married to an IT guy who loves his gadgets, but giving up my books? I just don't think I can do that...

Facebook Friends

I have 141 friends on Facebook. I'm not quite sure how that happened since I KNOW I don't have that many "real life" friends. Occasionally I go through the list and see if there are people I can remove from the list, though I haven't done this in a while. I am, however, perplexed by people adding me as a friend when they don't know me. I don't mean the perfect strangers that ask to be your friend because they want you to be their neighbor in a game, or because you like the same television show, but the people you perhaps grew up with, went to the same school with, but still don't know. The person who, when you see the name, you think "That sounds vaguely familiar but how do I know them". I had one such person request me as a friend recently, and while her name was SOMEHOW familiar, I had to go through all her pictures until there was one from high school before I was able to place her. And people, I only VAGUELY knew this person. I mean, I knew who she was - she was in a grade higher than me if I remember correctly, and I don't think I ever said ONE WORD to her in high school. Not one word!! I also remember her being rather nasty and not so nice, though I honestly can't remember anything specific. So why in the world is she requesting to be my friend?? It's just odd. I can't imagine WHY she wants to be my friend, and here's the thing about Facebook I dislike. Adding people to your friend list just to add them. I hate that. If you can't even send me ONE comment, SOMETHING, connect with me on some way... well why do I want to read about your life and see your pictures?? I don't. Well, okay, I DO like to see pictures - but looking at pictures of people I only vaguely remember is only somewhat interesting. And only holds my attention for so long. I declined this friend request.

What do you all think? Facebook = Popularity Contest, or is Facebook a great way to reconnect with people?

My Nights

Around 7pm we put Nathan to bed. He's usually really good and after about 10 minutes fussing, he sleeps. And on daycare nights he is so tired he usually falls asleep even quicker. However, now that he's got a double ear infection, he's been fussier than normal. Previously he would sleep from 7pm until around 3am. He'd get a bottle, a diaper change and back to bed until around 6am. That's been our routine and now its been shot to hell. This is how it goes.

7pm - Nathan in bed all cozy in his baby in a bag and a pacifier in his mouth.
8:3pm - pacifier falls out of mouth
8:45pm - Nathan wakes up and screams his little head off - he went to SLEEP with his pacifier and now it's gone. Disaster has struck. WHERE is his pacifier?
Screaming continues until we run upstairs and return the pacifier to his mouth. Exhausted, Nathan falls asleep again until about an hour goes by. The whole scenario repeats over and over and over again until morning. Or until around 4am where we give up, admit defeat and bring him into bed with us because a. we can reach out and return his pacifier to him without giving up, and b. we're exhausted and no longer care about all the bad habits that come from letting your baby sleep next to you.

We're back to being as tired as we were when Nathan was a newborn and we have no idea how to stop the pacifier game. Now at 7 months old, I am pretty sure that he's too young to "cry it out" and I don't even know if I can do that. Hearing Nathan cry is like having my heart ripped out of my chest. Now Nathan can pick UP the pacifier, he just has difficulty getting it back into his mouth. So leaving him with pacifiers scattered all over the crib won't work. I'm thinking we need to break the pacifier habit completely, but HOW???

Gentle readers I need your advice!! Leave a comment and let me know what you think we should do!

Bye Bye to American Express

Well, it's not GONE yet, but today I made my promised $20 extra payment to American Express. That's on top of the $100 extra payment I made last week, so I'm looking good there. I also put $10 in my savings account. Yeah, I know, $10 isn't a lot of money and currently I have a grand total of $7 and change in there, but hey... that's more than I had a month ago. Baby steps people, baby steps! I'm trying to get ready to have a savings fund for possible car repairs since I have a feeling my Jeep is going to need some in the future. I've already replaced all the tires, new spark plugs, brake pads.. but the thing I've learned about cars is.. it's always something!!!

So woo hoo for me on following through on one of my New Year's Resolutions!!